I have been pushing myself a lot as of late and when I mean as of late, I meant most of this year because I felt that I had something to prove. In actuality, I have nothing to prove to anyone and I certainly do not have to prove that I can find a better job, maintain it, and make a living for myself over time. I felt I had to because I officially graduated from college and it did not hit me until I was at my actual graduation when I thought I would not be; I didn't want to walk but then I remembered that I promised my past self that I would, keep you promises even the ones to yourself, you'll thank yourself later for it.
Ever since I finished my last semester of school last year around the Christmas season, I felt that I had to start working right after; right after 4-5 years of college, talk about insane mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It due to the country I live in, our society and how things can be. I am lucky enough that I have parents who are more than willing to help me until I make a better living for myself and they genuinely do not want me to push myself to hard; they barely get to see me as is. They do not get to see me too often because I set it up that way, I love my parents but some relationships need more space than others and my relationship with both my parents require plenty of space in order to work. I still felt though, that as soon as I was officially done with college, I should start working and that was what I did and I was happy with that.
Ever since I finished my last semester of school last year around the Christmas season, I felt that I had to start working right after; right after 4-5 years of college, talk about insane mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It due to the country I live in, our society and how things can be. I am lucky enough that I have parents who are more than willing to help me until I make a better living for myself and they genuinely do not want me to push myself to hard; they barely get to see me as is. They do not get to see me too often because I set it up that way, I love my parents but some relationships need more space than others and my relationship with both my parents require plenty of space in order to work. I still felt though, that as soon as I was officially done with college, I should start working and that was what I did and I was happy with that.
I was able to find a part-time job before I started my last semester as I have mentioned before in previous posts and things were going very well, I really liked working at my last job but now I have a new job. I am still a tutor and I continue to find new likes that I was never aware of. As I also may have mentioned, there was a point this year when I was not working and it did effect me; that is a story for another possible post. One night at my new job, I had a 7th grader who writes like an elementary school child. Even though it was late, I was more than willing to take as much time as possible to ensure that his writing improved even if it was by a tiny smidgen. I think it is because of how much I love writing that I am more than willing to teach someone else how to write as well as they want to. I understand that writing is not for everyone but I know everyone can improve over time; you will not write the same way you wrote a year ago with some form of practice.
Onto the main idea of this post, I loved working at my last job but some events pushed me to find another job, whether it be two part-time jobs or a full-time, I felt it was time to go and I was feeling that way for quite some time. Now at my current job, I continue to feel as if these jobs are internships and I figured it is because I'm not being challenged enough. Even though I feel that way, I do have some challenges here and there with myself and figuring out what I really want to do with myself and what I feel is better for me. I always wanted to be a doctor and I might still end up being a doctor but not a medical doctor how I originally thought. Now I am even starting to change my mind about previous plans such as wanting to go for a doctoral in psychology to a PhD because it looks like I do like and might even enjoy teaching people younger than myself.
I have never taught people my age or older because I am not comfortable with the idea but it might happen one day because I do not know how I am going to end up teaching in the future even though I want to continue to work with children therapeutically.
What I am trying to say is that there are some things meant for you and even if you think it is meant for you it might not be and that's great. I am not 100% happy with where I am in life right now and that is causing me to push myself too hard when I shouldn't be because it isn't as if I'm homeless scavenging for food; I have a warm place to live, food, clothes on my back and internet access so clearly I am more than okay. I have to my personal realization that for the most part, everything is more than okay and they will get better. Clearly this form of living is not for me because I believe everything in my life will change over time, everything that is going on now is definitely temporary because you will naturally outgrow of it and you won't notice at first until a good amount of time has passed and that does not have to be a scary thought at all. The things that will remain that same are the best things for you and even then those things and people will change because everything develops and changed naturally and it is normally in the best way.
Don't worry too much about that person you're crushing so hard on because multiple things can happen but only the best thing for you will happen in the end no matter how long it takes. Try not to be so hard on yourself like how I'm being because you are only causing stagnation such as how I've been causing so of course we aren't going to move forward until we fully accept where we are and reassure ourselves that it is more than okay. I never thought I'd be here last year and even if I'm not 100% happy, I am still pretty damn happy with where I am and you should too with whatever you have. You have your computer, you favorite sweater, you best friends that you've been friends with for 4 years, that cup of coffee or tea you had today, someone cute person spoke to you today or picked up something you dropped for you and you made sexy eye contact, anything, learn to become happier because it was yours. It is yours forever and no one can take your experiences away.
The next time you think something might not be for you, it probably isn't because something better is for you, just gotta look for it or be more patient when you can't find it right away, something is going to come; everyday is a learning experience.
I will leave things here! I know I have not written anything in about two months but as I have been going through a lot of things this past summer that caused me to walk away from my blog without informing anyone and I deeply apologize for that, to those who actually took the time out to read the posts of this blog. I want to slowly come back to this because my writing juices have been flowing and I want to take full advantage.
Please follow me on Twitter @midnightuee and please leave a comment hear and there. Also leave me comments here too and tell me about your day, don't be shy. Also, these are my thoughts on life situations that I am currently experiencing or just my personal opinion(s) on whatever I end up writing about, I know most people may take something I say to heart but don't, I do not know your officially thoughts and opinions so all that I do ask is to take my posts as suggestions or don't, whichever floats your boat the most. Hence the new name of my blog Suggestion Box which I am IN LOVE with and I am very happy with this change. It might not be super original but oh well. Hello again to those who might have missed me posting stuff, doubt it highly, but hello again everyone.
Smile towards a stranger because you never know whose day you can make better and until next time, Take Care <3
