you're more than enough.

I wanted to take the time out to make this post for those who are currently not feeling like they are not enough. People out there who feel like what they are doing might feel like it is not enough when all they've have been doing is trying. I want to let you know that you are not the only one but you are doing enough. You are doing your best to be the best version of yourself. We keep hearing that we should strive to be the best versions of ourselves but no one is going on about how hard it is. Some people might be but I don't think enough people are deeply talking about how hard it can be to be our best selves. Sometimes it feels constantly difficult to be the best 'us' we can be because our best may not be 'the best' at times. 

It fucking sucks.

We wake up early every morning and we don't see the results we thought would occur from our hard work from the night before. We work hard all day and we feel exhausted by the end of the day; sometimes we don't feel like there is much of a change in our lives. We feel like all of our hard work is going nowhere and we continue to feel drained.

Some of our jobs are sucking us dry and we continue to give and give and we feel like we are receiving nothing in return; not even a thank you. And you know you're doing a lot. Whether it is for your job, your friends, your family, you spouse, the random homeless person you're always giving dollars to, you're doing a lot.

But guess what? Even though it might not feel like you are enough in this very moment, you need to tell yourself you are because you are enough. You are doing so much for others and yourself. There had been so many times when you put others ahead of yourself and you did not feel appreciate enough. In those moments, appreciate yourself because you know what you did. Tell yourself good job and keep things going for yourself. Yeah it might be silly at first to tell yourself, "good job. Keep up the good work" but you know you did. You know you did do a good job! Hell! You did a great job! 

Why is it so silly to tell yourself what anyone else would when they recognize good work and effort being given?  

When something didn't workout in your favor but you know you did everything you were able to do in your power, tell yourself that it's okay but it was enough.

It's okay to be sad because something didn't work out. Of course you are going to be sad and bummed out for a while. Of course we are going to be sad and bummed out for a while because it was something you truly wanted and you thought things would be different this time. Sadly, this time things were not so different. Again. But it is okay even though its not okay right now. Overall, things are okay because you still have some type of income coming from somewhere, you have some kind of family, you friends, and most of your health.

Aging is a hell of a thing.

So you are enough. You did say enough and you did do enough. You did enough for the person you were in the moment. I'm writing this stuff out for us to not continue to be so hard on ourselves. We have to learn to be gentler with ourselves and try to blame others for their wrong doing. We cannot continue to have the mentality that we are always the one at fault. Sometimes we are but other times we are not at fault and we have to get better at pointing it out. We have to become more comfortable with pointing out other people's short-comings because who else is going to defend us? Someone might but that is never a guarantee. We have to become more comfortable with advocating for ourselves because we have to be the first person to love ourselves and to have our own backs.

We have to be selfish sometimes and put ourselves first. We especially have to do that when we are being disrespected. That does not mean we fight fire with fire. That means we found our balanced way of pointing out things that we are not comfortable with. Even if we don't get it right the first time it is more than okay because we have our whole lives to get it right and to become more comfortable. Yeah it's embarrassing but how bland would life be if we couldn't experience different emotions in different moments?

You are more than enough. Remember that. Do not let anyone tell you to your face that you are not enough and let them get away with it. You are always enough. We are always enough.

I will end things here.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell yourself and your loved ones that they're enough and give them a big squeezing hug. Trust me, it works.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Damaged People Dating

I needed to take the time out to write about this because this is something that I learned about a couple months ago.

First, I want to specify what I mean by "damaged" people dating. Damaged people, for example, is a person who just got out of a serious relationship and think that they can jump into a new serious relationship and that could be for a number of reasons.

A person who is damaged needs time to heal but they may not realize that at first and may think that finding someone new is what they need in order to heal and sometimes that may work for some if that was talked about and established. Communication is vastly important for just about every situation having to do with human interaction.

People who just came out of a serious relationship are emotionally exhausted. They gave so much of themselves to someone else and it did not work out in the long run. I'm not saying these are people to avoid at all but it does not hurt to point out to them over and over that they need time to be on their own and to heal up if being in a serious relationship is their end goal.

But if they do want to be with someone else, if they feel that may help, they need to pick who they spend their romance with carefully because it sounds better for them to be with a person who wants something more casual compared to a person who wants to seriously date.

The upsetting part is that there are people who are still "damaged" and may be seriously trying to date but skip over the fact that they just got out of a serious relationship. That type of situation is not fair to the other person but life is not about being fair; it's about learning. Sadly, these situations are going to cause some pain and yes, it does suck.

It could have all been avoided if the "damaged" person was just honest about their life situation sooner in order for the other person to make an education decision on whether or not they want to continue things with said "damaged" person.

One suggestion I do have is to not be afraid to ask a person you think you may want to date about their previous relationships. That is something to always ask when getting to know someone romantically anyway. It is important to ask questions in general about information that is important to you in order to find your peace of mind and security. 

Before I wrap this up, I just want to stress that these are not people to avoid at all. If anything they can be great friends, need their friends and healthy friendships to get over their breakups. Although, it is very important to be mindful of other people's emotions if avoiding unnecessary hurt is the goal and to try to be as honest as possible about information you know is or may involve another person.


Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Mental Illness does not equal Creativity

I have been seeing and hearing for years that creative people write their best stuff when they are experiencing depression for example or when they are in a very low point in their lives. I am alongside with all of the people who disagree. As someone who has been writing since I have been very young, I remember writing a lot of stuff whenever I was in a good place mentality.

I have not been in a great place as of late and while I was a teenager. I did not write anything I was proud of when I was a teenager dealing with the aftermath of being bullied, growing up and not knowing how to deal with the fact that I was bullied for so long. 

It was not that long ago that I lost my drive and will to write out my posts for my blogs and lost the motivation to work on my stories because of me, not so long ago, experiencing depression.

The media has done a very good job of showing people that great things can come from painful times and that may be true for some but I doubt for most especially when it comes to mental health issues. When someone has a mental health issue, our bodies become to preoccupied with tending to said mental issues and making sure we can function and not die.

I also have a handful of creative friends as well who have gone through their own mental issues that prevented them from making any type of art. I remember we would have conversations about how they felt so sad or they felt so unmotivated that they either couldn't come up with anything good or whatever ideas they did have, they felt it was not good enough to show. Something I can relate to on a very deep level.

Having mental health issues and experiencing them are terrible experiences. My depression was so bad that I remember thinking that I would not wish those types of emotions and emptiness of emotions on my worst enemies; no one wants to feel that way. Most people definitely cannot squeeze out anything creative when they are in such a bad head space. It can become such a struggle for some to just get out of bed or even brush their teeth so imagine trying to write out an elaborate book series or even just one chapter or even just one blog post.

So when it comes to creative people making some type of art whether it is a TV show, a story, a drawing or a painting, we did not make it when we were in a terrible or bad head space., we made those pieces of art when we were in a much better place with ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I will end things here. I know it was rather short but I do not think there is more to say on the matter for now. We are note creative when we are dealing with a mental or emotional issue; we just can't. 

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

being an understanding person.

I think it is important to remind each other from time to time how important it is to be an understanding person not only to your loved ones and yourself but to the people around you.

We are all humans beings and we are all used to our way of living. Sometimes we can forget that there are about 7.5 billion people on our Earth today and counting. So of course we are very likely to bump into someone or something that is vastly different from us. But that's okay because just because something is different does not make it scary; it's just different.

Personally, I prefer differences especially since I'm trying to become more professional with my writing. The more people I meet who are different from me the more likely I am to get inspired by something they had to offer. If I kept spending so much time around people who were very similar to me, my way of thinking would never have be challenged. I would pretty much stay the same person because there would be no exposure to something or someone different from myself to challenge my way of thinking or my perspectives on life.

I know it can be scary when we are face-to-face with something that we do not have much knowledge on because it could be dangerous or we just do not know what to do at first. But I think it's okay when we don't have much knowledge when it comes to a completely different person because that is when communication comes in handy.

Of course if you feel like the person can be dangerous then by all means, trust you instincts. But when it comes to meeting new people for example, I think it is important to just talk, ask simple questions like where were they born. If they're from another country, just ask them how it's like. 

Another way to be understanding is when your loved ones are busy or can have pretty busy schedules at some points throughout the week. I know when I'm trying to see some friends and they end up being busier than expected, it sucks. But that does not mean that it's the end. We talk about when is our next available time and we take things from there. I know some people would get mad about something like that because the schedule shifted and not everyone knows how to accommodate to that.

But being understand of people's schedules is important because it builds trust, it builds faith and comfort in both people; especially they one who turned out to be busier than anticipated.

I know I also need to talk a little about being understanding with ourselves. I know when I was younger and I didn't do well with my academics, I'd definitely beat myself up over it. There were times when I made myself feel less than because I didn't get a top score for example. Even though my grades were usually at the top of my class, I'd feel like such a loser whenever I would get an okay grade. I shouldn't have spoken to myself like that. No one is perfect. Sometimes we are not going to do so well at something for whatever the reason may be and it's expected of us. We are not always suppose to get things right the first time or every time. We can be our best cheerleaders or our worst enemies. I think it's better to be kinder to ourselves and be understanding of that fact that we didn't do well this time. Which can mean that next time we'll do much better and learn from our previous mistakes.

There are tons of examples on how to be an understanding person but I think what helps is to keep an open mind to things. Things are subject to change at any time so I think it is important to be mindful of that and to not have such high expectations because your body may react in a way that isn't so beneficial to anyone including yourself.

I am going to end things here because I wanted to make a short post about being understanding and doing our best to be with those around us and ourselves.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me how hard it can be to be understanding sometimes.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Depression = No drive

I wanted to make a post about why I have been lacking in drive and motivation to write and I decided to make it just a mini series of posts for those who may be going through the same thing.

I have not been writing as much as I was for most of this year because in the middle of June, I developed depression and I didn't have the courage until recently to start talking about. I even feel very guilty right now typing this because I have not even told my two best friends that I had depression. I mainly didn't tell them because I didn't want them to tend to me. I wanted them to think I was fine so that they could treat me the same way and not treat me like a depressed person.

I was isolating myself, putting myself down and making myself feel like absolute worthless shit. The two things I really wanted to do this summer was to finally read more books and write more posts because I finally had the drive that I have been waiting 3 summers to have and just like that it was gone.

I still do not have the drive I once had earlier in the summer and said lack of drive only prevents me from writing even more. I  think I can say that I do not "have as much" depression if that is even a correct way to describe things. But I still find my appetite not being where I want to be and I have not been going to the gym as much as I previously was but I am still going to the gym every week nonetheless. 

I also didn't have the courage to write about my depression because of how long I had it. I ended up being depressed for about a month and a half, maybe two months before I started feeling like myself again. I thought that amount of time was not adequate compared to others who have had depression for many months of many years so I felt like I could not relate to them.

It took me quite some time to realize that it is not necessarily about the amount of time but what you felt and did during that amount of said time. 

I want to believe that I am not as depressed as before because I do feel much happier than before and I do feel more like myself again. But when it comes to my reading and writing, I can't help but to worry that maybe there is still something lingering because I struggle just as much as before when it comes to writing and when it comes to writing something that I am actually proud of.

I also get anxiety sometimes which is one of the worst things I have experienced. But I will say that for me, dealing and trying to get past depression was way scarier than having anxiety. When I have anxiety, I am going back and forth with myself about things that I know are okay but my anxiety wants to tell me other wise. Unfortunately, it does take some time for my anxiety to fade. The other day it took about 6 hours for my anxiety to fully fade. But when it comes to depression, it is a completely different ball park to me and for me.

When my depression was at its worst, I could not talk to anyone. I was crying almost all the time for no apparent reason. I was crying because I was sad and I felt sad because I was sad. There was nothing in particular that I was sad about. I was crying for the plain fact that I was feeling sad due to me being depressed. When it came to the crying all the time, it was very hard not to cry in public. It was very difficult not to run somewhere secluded where I can scream and whale at the top of my lungs until I felt some type of feeling again because I did experience some emotional numbness.

When I was or was not crying, I was isolating myself from all of my friends and my parents. I could not bring myself to talk to anyone. My depression was telling me not to talk to anyone because I didn't deserve to. My depression was also telling me what a piece of shit I was and how worthless I was. That part had to be the worst for me; when my depression was trying to convince me of how worthless I was and in the beginning, I believed it. Anytime my depression would belittle or demean me, I'd let it and I'd agree.

But over time, I refused to let myself think that way because of the years of hard work of working on myself and my happiness. That was what helped me a lot to get out of my depression.; my resilience and refusal to lose. I began to just refuse to be like that with myself and I kept fighting and pushing until there was nothing telling me that I was nothing because that was the biggest lie it could say to me.

I have worked extremely hard to become the person I am today. That was another reason why I felt so ashamed to talk about my depression. I had worked so hard to become genuinely happy and then for my coping skills not to work and still developed depression. I felt like I failed myself and I probably did. But staying down just was not an option for me.

For now, I am going to end this here because I'm starting to feel spent. I finally found some energy to write this post because I can only imagine how many people are going through depression right now as I'm writing this or the amount of people who were on a similar boat as me.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me if you had a friend with some mental health issues and what you did to help make you friend feel better.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

How not to Travel

I recently traveled and I ended up having a terrible time. The trip was so bad that it ended up affecting my mental health which was something I didn't think would occur; I always took myself to have great coping skills. My mental health journey is something that I decided to write about but I will when I am ready. I still do not feel like myself and I want to take my time with this and not beat myself up. All I want to do is to return to feeling like myself. As for now, enjoy this post and I apologize for being so late.

Rule number one to traveling is to travel with people you want to travel with, want to share a living space with and want to explore with. When you travel, you know there is going to be a lot of exploring. 

You should not be surprised at how fast a trip can go from mediocre to infuriating when you are traveling with people you do not want to be with and this includes family. Don't travel with family if they're too uptight when traveling and all they know is to bitch and complain about situations instead of taking some course of action. For example. 

People who complain instead of actually doing something to fix an issue are not the people or person to travel with.

Traveling is suppose to be fun for everyone; something you can all share together. But everyone needs to play a role in ensuring that they're collectively have a good time.

Rule number too, make sure to get someone to double check everything you packed to make sure you do not forget anything. You can think you have everything and next thing you know, you forgot your phone charger and have to buy a new one when you get your destination. Good thing most of the world have plenty of shared technology.

I do not have many rules here aside from stressing not to go with people you think might turn out okay because you need to know things are going to be okay before hand.

I traveled with family, only one member, and it was practically a nightmare, again, I didn't learn from the first time. You never want to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings, including family but why go somewhere else to share a different living space if you're already annoyed in your actual home?

It was my mistake and I do not plan to travel with my family member next time. Saying again, my mistake. 

If you get along with your family members enough to travel then by all means, go have a great time with your family. That sort of stuff does not apply to me and I want to have as much space as I can from my family.

Remember, there is nothing wrong with having space between your loved ones and there is nothing wrong with asking for some personal space from the person, not the actual relationship(s). Another thing I have to stress because some people break up from others thinking they need a break from the relationship when it was just the person, they just needed some them time and didn't know how to ask for it.

Just to play devil's advocate, if you ask for personal time for yourself and your partner has a problem with you having a day to yourself, then you should rethink things with your partner or have a serious talk with them because there is no big deal for you to go out shopping for the day or go to the gym for the day or even to have dinner with yourself. Some people enjoy solitude and there is nothing wrong with that. You can still have a thriving relationship with your partner and still have your personal time along with your partner having time to themselves as well.

I also do this and rant about things off topic but I can't help it, so many ideas.

But I will end things here for now and I hope you enjoyed this post. Please share it with your friends and leave me some constructive comments. Let me know how I'm doing.

Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what your dreams were when you were younger.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Sunrise or Sunset?

I realized that I have never really made a "laid back" post that was not about something important or something I thought was wrong that I had to write about, etc. That is something I should do more from time to time.

So taking another prompt from my '300 writing prompts' book, do you guys prefer the sunrise or the sunset? This one was a toughy for me because I love both when the sun is rising and when the sun is setting. This one was really hard despite being a simple question.

In the end, I decided to write how I do love both and I cannot pick one because when I see the sunrise it tells me that it is time to get up and go out. It tells me that I have so much time and I have a day ahead of me to get done as many activities and/errands that I see fit.

When I see the sunset, it is telling me that is it time to head to bed. It tells me that it is time to rest after a busy day and to recharge for the next day.

I appreciate the sunrise and the sunset because it is the times of the day that are the most relaxing to me. When people wake up, they wake up soundly, hopefully, to a calming sunrise which can be very relaxing. The hues of oranges and yellows in the clear blue sky if that day is sunny is all very soothing when I think about it.

When it comes to the sunset, you get to see all the hues of purples and blues mixed together with the shades of yellows and oranges. Also, the sun isn't as bright when it is rising and setting so most of us can look towards the sun without our eyes burning; the sun is most easy to gaze at during these periods of the day.

Anyway, I plan to make more posts like this because honestly, there is so much going on in the world right now that it is nice to get away from all the injustice that are going on right now to recharge for tomorrow and continue the fight. But for now, relax, watch some TV and eat your favorite snack.

Everything I say here is merely a suggestion. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me which you like better? Sunrise or Sunset?

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3