'working interviews'

I had to write about this experience because it is something that I would not want others to get discouraged by.

I applied for this job and was asked to come in for an interview. I went in and I think the interview went rather well in my opinion. (of course, I'd think that way about myself. Biased much ) But, then they asked me to come in for the work interview. What a work interview is a process in which to see if you are able to complete the tasks given to you in an efficient manner and to see if you would be a suitable addition to their workplace.

I think I got along with most of the people there rather well but getting along with people at the office is never enough; that's a given. I was told on my third day there the concerns the higher-ups had. Firstly, they hesitated to tell me that I was not working effectively enough. They came off to me as not wanting to hurt my feelings or not wanting to come off as too harsh. I couldn't help but to think that this is the workplace, if you have something to say, say it. I have been in a similar situation when a higher-up didn't want to give me certain information because it was too hard for them or they were afraid of how I was going to feel.

I could go on and on and on about how incredibly unprofessional that is and how inappropriate. Due to something being difficult, does not mean it should be pushed back for your convenience when someone's livelihood is on the line; you are indebted to give said information as soon as you physically can, not when you 'feel like it.' Back to the story.

On my second and third day at their office, I thought I was doing things better, I thought I was getting the hang of things and that I was doing a lot of work; my stacks were starting to look like actual stacks. Turns out, I wasn't being efficient enough.

As mentioned prior, on my third day, the higher-up there decided to hesitate to explain to me that I was not working fast enough. I was inputting payment data and their expectation is to be able to input each check in about a minute's time. I had no idea because no one decided to inform me on this.

Also, the woman who was helping me so much and helped me to feel so comfortable told the higher-up that I kept asking the same question over and over again. I know my questions were concerning the same objective but I was inputting payments for different companies. Each company does not put the same piece of information in the same place nor in the same name so I had to memorize what each name meant. But, she said I kept asking the same questions. Cool. I don't care because I asked a lot of questions when I was encouraged to. Cool.

The woman who helped me also looked very stressed and I was questioning it because she barely knows me. If she's a caring person, I understand but at the end of the day, this is the workplace. If I don't get the position, I don't get it. I even told her that there are no hard feelings, I understand completely. At the end of it all, at least a tried; that's all that matters to me.

I say that because now I definitely know what isn't for me. I live in the city so commuting in the morning is beyond a nightmare. It's more of those reoccurring nightmares that make you dread going to sleep at night. Except my commute is in the daytime. I also can't do 9-5 jobs; they just are not for me. Ever since I was really young, before I knew I had pretty bad insomnia young, I never saw myself waking up super early to get somewhere at 9 in the morning and to leave at 5 in the afternoon to squish myself into train carts and standing up until I got home. Merely thinking about it all makes me feel so physically and emotionally exhausted.

At the end of it all, the higher-up asked me to come in on the following Monday to give me a chance. Afterward, I got a call a few hours later from said higher-up explaining to me that she explained everything to her boss and he gave the no for me to continue working for them. At least I'm going to get paid for my time working there. The hard part was actually done for me because nothing in me said to go back. There was such a lack of communication that I was turned off by the company and the position; I didn't want to work for them anymore.

It got me thinking about what I really want to do with myself, thinking about beginning to understand why so many people don't like working for other people and if maybe I wanted to have a small business of my own. Not sure but, it has been a thought more than once for me because I'm liking the act of working for other people less and less. There are too many people who prefer to take advantage of a large group of young adults and not pay them the money they obviously deserve.

Here's the part I want you to remember. You don't have to feel discouraged when a job does not hire you. It is never a personal attack and they don't decide to hire you because of personal reasons; doesn't happen that often. They just didn't see you being suitable for the position and that's fine, you will find a position that is better for you where you are appreciated.

I know it feels incredibly difficult to find a job in any city. I never realized how excruciating it is until I finally had to do it and honestly, I fucking hate it. I wish I could pick up all my shit, move to a suburban area, into a beautiful and cozy home and work in a bookstore. I wish. One could dream. My dream is to constantly be surrounded by books in my dreams.

Anyway, I know it is hard and it will continue to be but don't let people who don't know you get the best of you. You know you're worth. You know you are amazing and you're an amazing worker too. That position was not for you and it's okay; everything is not going to be for you. Life is about searching for everything that is for you. It's going to a tough and rough road ahead and it is going to be stressful and draining. Despite all that, I think in the end, it could be definitely worth the wait and all the hard work you put into it. Honestly, I know you just have to believe in yourself and something will work out for you, one way or another. ✨

Well, that's all I have to say for now. I am going to hit the pause button here. Until I decide to hit play on the next topic at hand.

Oh also! I can't help but feel that 'working interviews' are a scam to get people to work for their business for lower wages and without having to hire them after they get their shit done. But, that's just a theory. I get that people want to see how others are in action but damn; some people seriously need to be more active in their communication. Honestly. Okay, I'm done, this time. Swear.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

appreciation post

It is time for an appreciation post. This is my first time doing one and I hope those who read it can understand how much this means to me. It has been over 2 years now since I have started my blog and it has been something. I know when I was younger I've tried multiple times having something of a blog or anything in relation. Same thing with my writing; I kept trying to be active with posting my creative writing online but it never went well for me.

I know deep down I never really wanted to be famous or whatever on the internet because I like having my privacy. That is something I strive for; to have as much privacy as possible. As I've become older, I realized that it is okay to be somewhat known if that ever happens to me. As I started writing again, I kept thinking that I do want something of a fan-base, I truly do. I want a group of people to want to read my writing because it does encourage me to write more. It encourages me to get creative and think outside the box with my stories. It continues to get me thinking how I can get my stories to be as entertaining and real as possible.

These are places that I never imagined I would be with my writing. When I was younger, I used to come up with story plots but I never got the chance to actually write out those stories. Now I do and there is nothing more I want to do than share it with those who want to read them. I'm also always open to constructive criticism. I always want to make sure that I can make the best stories that I possibly can.

I appreciate anyone and everyone who reads my posts. It means the world to me. Towards the end of last year, I ended up getting such a bump in views and I got so excited. It also made me feel very hopeful because my hard work paid off. I want to continue to write. I hope to one day be in a place where I can write more often and make something of a living off it.

I want to keep writing for everyone who wants to continue reading and I want to keep saying thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Whatever is left of my heart. I appreciate every single view and I appreciate every single person who decides to follow. You give me so my hope, motivation and drive to keep going with my writing.

Thank you, everyone, again. I look forward to writing more in 2018.

I also want to take the time out to say continue being yourself because everyone else is taken. Don't pretend to be someone that you are not. Do your best to be your best you and things will fall into place before you know it. Keep moving forward for you.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

find what inspires you

You don't actively have to look for what inspires you, it can find you when you least expect it. We are all humans beings so of course we are not always going to feel inspired all of the time. But that does not mean we can't find what can help us feel inspired.

We all have something that we are striving to become, striving to do but we can lose motivation and drive from time to time. That is why it is important to hold on and keep what inspires us in a safe place so that we can gain that reminder when needed.

Some people keep a picture in their wallet so that they get reminded every time they open up their wallets. Some people carry around a letter with them so that they can't forget what they're fighting for. Others may have a show or a book that they watch when they need to get the juices going.

Long story short, we're human and we are not always going to feel motivated to do what we want or have to do; it's common and happens to the best of us. Especially as we get older; our bodies will continue to change and we can only control so much of how our bodies respond to certain situations.

That does not mean that there aren't just as many, if not more, things that we can do to help our bodies and minds to keep us on the right path, on the path we want to be on.

I'll use myself as an example real quick. I haven't been getting any ideas for posts and I recently wrote more chapters for my fanfiction stories on my wattpad account but they need to be edited before I can publish them. But I haven't really been in the mood and I've been waiting for my writing juices to ignite but they haven't been so I was just being patient. But then, I bumped into this anime that has revolved around people who write their hearts on paper. It's supposed to be a slice of life anime with some drama and comedy. I've seen a few episodes and I think it's great so far. It ended up giving me the inspiration I needed.

These characters are younger than me and they're living my dream like it's nothing. It related back to one of the lines in said anime which is that everything you want, someone already has and as usual, they're not grateful for having it. That line stuck out to me because it's true. I honestly have a hard time appreciating all that I have because even though it may not feel like a lot sometimes, I know it's way more than some and there will always be someone somewhere who may want what I have. I may not think of it that often but it's true. Not everyone has a coat but wants or may need one. Not everyone has a computer but there are usually people who want or needs one. We have to learn how to appreciate where we are right now in our lives because it can always be worse and to keep striving.

There are too many people who are currently struggling and seriously don't have much. If you are a person who can give some time back to those in need, please do so. I know those in need will appreciate the time you spend on them with all their hearts.

Find your drive, find what or who motivates you to get out of bed, to keep moving forward and keep it somewhere safe so that you can access it anytime you need those creative wheels to start turning again.

I wanted to keep this one pretty brief since it all just came to me and this was all I had to say about the matter. I guess this can be a short but sweet post.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share what motivates you or how you motivate others.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

you're more than enough.

I wanted to take the time out to make this post for those who are currently not feeling like they are not enough. People out there who feel like what they are doing might feel like it is not enough when all they've have been doing is trying. I want to let you know that you are not the only one but you are doing enough. You are doing your best to be the best version of yourself. We keep hearing that we should strive to be the best versions of ourselves but no one is going on about how hard it is. Some people might be but I don't think enough people are deeply talking about how hard it can be to be our best selves. Sometimes it feels constantly difficult to be the best 'us' we can be because our best may not be 'the best' at times. 

It fucking sucks.

We wake up early every morning and we don't see the results we thought would occur from our hard work from the night before. We work hard all day and we feel exhausted by the end of the day; sometimes we don't feel like there is much of a change in our lives. We feel like all of our hard work is going nowhere and we continue to feel drained.

Some of our jobs are sucking us dry and we continue to give and give and we feel like we are receiving nothing in return; not even a thank you. And you know you're doing a lot. Whether it is for your job, your friends, your family, you spouse, the random homeless person you're always giving dollars to, you're doing a lot.

But guess what? Even though it might not feel like you are enough in this very moment, you need to tell yourself you are because you are enough. You are doing so much for others and yourself. There had been so many times when you put others ahead of yourself and you did not feel appreciate enough. In those moments, appreciate yourself because you know what you did. Tell yourself good job and keep things going for yourself. Yeah it might be silly at first to tell yourself, "good job. Keep up the good work" but you know you did. You know you did do a good job! Hell! You did a great job! 

Why is it so silly to tell yourself what anyone else would when they recognize good work and effort being given?  

When something didn't workout in your favor but you know you did everything you were able to do in your power, tell yourself that it's okay but it was enough.

It's okay to be sad because something didn't work out. Of course you are going to be sad and bummed out for a while. Of course we are going to be sad and bummed out for a while because it was something you truly wanted and you thought things would be different this time. Sadly, this time things were not so different. Again. But it is okay even though its not okay right now. Overall, things are okay because you still have some type of income coming from somewhere, you have some kind of family, you friends, and most of your health.

Aging is a hell of a thing.

So you are enough. You did say enough and you did do enough. You did enough for the person you were in the moment. I'm writing this stuff out for us to not continue to be so hard on ourselves. We have to learn to be gentler with ourselves and try to blame others for their wrong doing. We cannot continue to have the mentality that we are always the one at fault. Sometimes we are but other times we are not at fault and we have to get better at pointing it out. We have to become more comfortable with pointing out other people's short-comings because who else is going to defend us? Someone might but that is never a guarantee. We have to become more comfortable with advocating for ourselves because we have to be the first person to love ourselves and to have our own backs.

We have to be selfish sometimes and put ourselves first. We especially have to do that when we are being disrespected. That does not mean we fight fire with fire. That means we found our balanced way of pointing out things that we are not comfortable with. Even if we don't get it right the first time it is more than okay because we have our whole lives to get it right and to become more comfortable. Yeah it's embarrassing but how bland would life be if we couldn't experience different emotions in different moments?

You are more than enough. Remember that. Do not let anyone tell you to your face that you are not enough and let them get away with it. You are always enough. We are always enough.

I will end things here.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell yourself and your loved ones that they're enough and give them a big squeezing hug. Trust me, it works.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3