'working interviews'

I had to write about this experience because it is something that I would not want others to get discouraged by.

I applied for this job and was asked to come in for an interview. I went in and I think the interview went rather well in my opinion. (of course, I'd think that way about myself. Biased much ) But, then they asked me to come in for the work interview. What a work interview is a process in which to see if you are able to complete the tasks given to you in an efficient manner and to see if you would be a suitable addition to their workplace.

I think I got along with most of the people there rather well but getting along with people at the office is never enough; that's a given. I was told on my third day there the concerns the higher-ups had. Firstly, they hesitated to tell me that I was not working effectively enough. They came off to me as not wanting to hurt my feelings or not wanting to come off as too harsh. I couldn't help but to think that this is the workplace, if you have something to say, say it. I have been in a similar situation when a higher-up didn't want to give me certain information because it was too hard for them or they were afraid of how I was going to feel.

I could go on and on and on about how incredibly unprofessional that is and how inappropriate. Due to something being difficult, does not mean it should be pushed back for your convenience when someone's livelihood is on the line; you are indebted to give said information as soon as you physically can, not when you 'feel like it.' Back to the story.

On my second and third day at their office, I thought I was doing things better, I thought I was getting the hang of things and that I was doing a lot of work; my stacks were starting to look like actual stacks. Turns out, I wasn't being efficient enough.

As mentioned prior, on my third day, the higher-up there decided to hesitate to explain to me that I was not working fast enough. I was inputting payment data and their expectation is to be able to input each check in about a minute's time. I had no idea because no one decided to inform me on this.

Also, the woman who was helping me so much and helped me to feel so comfortable told the higher-up that I kept asking the same question over and over again. I know my questions were concerning the same objective but I was inputting payments for different companies. Each company does not put the same piece of information in the same place nor in the same name so I had to memorize what each name meant. But, she said I kept asking the same questions. Cool. I don't care because I asked a lot of questions when I was encouraged to. Cool.

The woman who helped me also looked very stressed and I was questioning it because she barely knows me. If she's a caring person, I understand but at the end of the day, this is the workplace. If I don't get the position, I don't get it. I even told her that there are no hard feelings, I understand completely. At the end of it all, at least a tried; that's all that matters to me.

I say that because now I definitely know what isn't for me. I live in the city so commuting in the morning is beyond a nightmare. It's more of those reoccurring nightmares that make you dread going to sleep at night. Except my commute is in the daytime. I also can't do 9-5 jobs; they just are not for me. Ever since I was really young, before I knew I had pretty bad insomnia young, I never saw myself waking up super early to get somewhere at 9 in the morning and to leave at 5 in the afternoon to squish myself into train carts and standing up until I got home. Merely thinking about it all makes me feel so physically and emotionally exhausted.

At the end of it all, the higher-up asked me to come in on the following Monday to give me a chance. Afterward, I got a call a few hours later from said higher-up explaining to me that she explained everything to her boss and he gave the no for me to continue working for them. At least I'm going to get paid for my time working there. The hard part was actually done for me because nothing in me said to go back. There was such a lack of communication that I was turned off by the company and the position; I didn't want to work for them anymore.

It got me thinking about what I really want to do with myself, thinking about beginning to understand why so many people don't like working for other people and if maybe I wanted to have a small business of my own. Not sure but, it has been a thought more than once for me because I'm liking the act of working for other people less and less. There are too many people who prefer to take advantage of a large group of young adults and not pay them the money they obviously deserve.

Here's the part I want you to remember. You don't have to feel discouraged when a job does not hire you. It is never a personal attack and they don't decide to hire you because of personal reasons; doesn't happen that often. They just didn't see you being suitable for the position and that's fine, you will find a position that is better for you where you are appreciated.

I know it feels incredibly difficult to find a job in any city. I never realized how excruciating it is until I finally had to do it and honestly, I fucking hate it. I wish I could pick up all my shit, move to a suburban area, into a beautiful and cozy home and work in a bookstore. I wish. One could dream. My dream is to constantly be surrounded by books in my dreams.

Anyway, I know it is hard and it will continue to be but don't let people who don't know you get the best of you. You know you're worth. You know you are amazing and you're an amazing worker too. That position was not for you and it's okay; everything is not going to be for you. Life is about searching for everything that is for you. It's going to a tough and rough road ahead and it is going to be stressful and draining. Despite all that, I think in the end, it could be definitely worth the wait and all the hard work you put into it. Honestly, I know you just have to believe in yourself and something will work out for you, one way or another. ✨

Well, that's all I have to say for now. I am going to hit the pause button here. Until I decide to hit play on the next topic at hand.

Oh also! I can't help but feel that 'working interviews' are a scam to get people to work for their business for lower wages and without having to hire them after they get their shit done. But, that's just a theory. I get that people want to see how others are in action but damn; some people seriously need to be more active in their communication. Honestly. Okay, I'm done, this time. Swear.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

letting yourself feel.

I got inspired to write this post because I got really sad about something I've been dealing with the other day. I'm usually not the type to cry about whatever it was that I was sad about. My body even has a hard time crying most of the time whenever something does make me sad.

Sounds terrible, I know, but that's just how my body is for now.

But, this time I actually let myself cry. I was able to cry and I probably cried for about 5-10 minutes and I actually felt better. I know I'm talking about something that isn't new but I know people tend to forget to let themselves feel out their emotions or like myself, they don't let themselves feel their emotions out often enough.

I can't recall the last time I cried and I felt a little better. It felt brand new to me even though the act of crying and feeling better is not.

I remember I've been told no crying or princesses don't cry. I heard other people be told similar phrases and I know it would leave a bad taste in my mouth. I can't remember a moment when I told someone not to cry when they were genuinely sad about something. I'm not all that great anymore when it comes to comforting a person right away when they start crying like when I was younger but I try.

It's a very humane thing when someone starts crying. They're hurting and as their loved ones we have to try our best to comfort and console them through their troubling times; no matter how annoying it may or will get.

The older I get, I keep thinking about this psychiatrist that I met who I thought was a total bitch. I disliked her from the moment I told her nicely that she mispronounced my last name and she couldn't take me correcting her. Sometimes it takes something as small as such an encounter to get an idea of how a person is going to be with you.

But, something she told me stuck with me. It was that life is going to get more stressful. That was the only thing I took from her because, at the time, I thought I'd be able to tackle anything on my own. I was wrong. I can't do everything on my own but it was scary for me because that's all I know; how to do things on my own even if I'm doing something for someone else, I'd do it on my own. It wasn't until a few years ago that I've been getting better at asking and receiving help. It sounds silly but that's how life is for many people such as myself; we have a hard time asking and receiving help because we've done things for ourselves and on our own for so long.

Whoever reads this, I hope they understand that is it okay to cry. This is a reminder that it is not a form of weakness. It's not. It may feel that way but it's not. You will feel better after you give yourself the time to cry. Along with being patient with yourself to give yourself the time you need to heal from whatever it may be that is causing you the hurt to sad cry in the first place. You will gradually feel better; you just have to trust yourself to slide into your sadness (emotions), become aware of them and figure out a way that works for you in order for you to accept them wholeheartedly. 

There is no guarantee though that you will feel better right after but at least, you let yourself feel whatever emotions you were feeling and you're on a better path of feeling better.

That's all I have to say for now. I know I haven't made a blog post in a few months now and I said I'd come back around the end of March but I'm having too much fun writing my stories. It's this adventure that I'm on and it's something. It's small but it's mine. So for now, I don't have a schedule for my blog anymore. I don't know who was on the ride with my blog but whoever was, I hope they're not too mad about this.

I do plan to post but I don't always have a good idea to write something for my blog. But whenever I do, I will post.

You can follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share whatever is on your mind. Be friendly.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case anyone is interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3


                                                                                                                                       Happy Easter : )

update.

I wanted to make a post for everyone since it has been a while. I am still on my hiatus but I thought it would be a good idea to tell you guys a little about what is going on on my side.

I think I am finally making progress on being healthier. The hardest part for me is starting and to continue after a certain amount of time. I always get to a point where I feel good and better and my body gets lazy as a result. My body feels like I'm in a good place and I don't have to continue exercising anymore or I don't have to eat my healthy food anymore. Which sucks!

I hate that my body does that; when I get to a good place my body slacks.

I can admit that I am naturally a lazy person. It took me years to become productive but one thing to keep in mind is I did not become very productive over-night or even in a month's time. I started getting really busy when I was in college. I wanted to do a lot to make sure I had something to do after I graduated. I was able to accomplish that goal but I did not accomplish it the way I wanted to.

I ended up being at my part-time job, at the time, Monday through Friday and now at my current part-time job, I am there Monday through Friday and every other Saturday. I work a lot at my current part-time job. I have told my supervisor before that I do not expect to be worked as a full-time employee if I am paid as a part-time employee; I don't place those games.

I just didn't think that I'd be 25 still having a part-time job no matter how fulfilling it can be. It does suck that I am in a place where I didn't expect to be but I'm not the first and last. I think it is pretty rare for a person to become financially stable, in a city, very early on in this lives. Granted, we have the internet now and we see a bunch of young kids making A LOT of money.

Don't let that discourage you! There are MULTIPLE reasons as to why they are making so much money at such a young age. I don't want to spend this post listing them but keep that in mind; there are a lot of people around the world and their lives are completely different than ours. That's reasonable because we don't want our lives to be similar to someone else's, we want our own lives, our own individual stories to tell.

But I digress. I'm still not sure yet when I will return since I honestly do not have many posts written. I haven't been that active on my Wattpad account as often as I'd like either. I have been thinking to come back early or mid-March though. Just to give you guys an idea of when to start expecting my posts again. I will let you guys know if anything changes.

Leave comments below and tell me how things have been with you.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

small hiatus

I have a post at the ready that will come out this week, more than likely. But afterward, I need to take a little hiatus.

I have really been serious and focusing on losing weight for health reasons. I really want to make that my main priority at the moment. I don't see myself taking a long leave but long enough for me to lose some weight and get some good writing done.

I have been feeling that some of my recent stuff is not great and is rushed to some extent. I want to take some time out to really get some ideas flowing and to give those who actually read my posts something to think about.

The whole point of my blog is to get us thinking about nontraditional things. I was us to think critically and why not push some boundaries? Let's talk about those 'taboo' topics and just have a discussion. Some people get too emotional and make things personal when people just want to talk and have fun. Avoid those people if you want a legitimate conversation and to probably have a fun debate.

Again, thank you for those who have been here since the beginning and the newcomers. You mean so much to me. I don't know who you are but you exist and that's more than enough for me. Keep reading, keep exploring, and stay questioning.

I'll be back soon. 💖

appreciation post

It is time for an appreciation post. This is my first time doing one and I hope those who read it can understand how much this means to me. It has been over 2 years now since I have started my blog and it has been something. I know when I was younger I've tried multiple times having something of a blog or anything in relation. Same thing with my writing; I kept trying to be active with posting my creative writing online but it never went well for me.

I know deep down I never really wanted to be famous or whatever on the internet because I like having my privacy. That is something I strive for; to have as much privacy as possible. As I've become older, I realized that it is okay to be somewhat known if that ever happens to me. As I started writing again, I kept thinking that I do want something of a fan-base, I truly do. I want a group of people to want to read my writing because it does encourage me to write more. It encourages me to get creative and think outside the box with my stories. It continues to get me thinking how I can get my stories to be as entertaining and real as possible.

These are places that I never imagined I would be with my writing. When I was younger, I used to come up with story plots but I never got the chance to actually write out those stories. Now I do and there is nothing more I want to do than share it with those who want to read them. I'm also always open to constructive criticism. I always want to make sure that I can make the best stories that I possibly can.

I appreciate anyone and everyone who reads my posts. It means the world to me. Towards the end of last year, I ended up getting such a bump in views and I got so excited. It also made me feel very hopeful because my hard work paid off. I want to continue to write. I hope to one day be in a place where I can write more often and make something of a living off it.

I want to keep writing for everyone who wants to continue reading and I want to keep saying thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Whatever is left of my heart. I appreciate every single view and I appreciate every single person who decides to follow. You give me so my hope, motivation and drive to keep going with my writing.

Thank you, everyone, again. I look forward to writing more in 2018.

I also want to take the time out to say continue being yourself because everyone else is taken. Don't pretend to be someone that you are not. Do your best to be your best you and things will fall into place before you know it. Keep moving forward for you.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

2018

I wanted to take the time out for this post and really think about what I was going to say because this is the time for most when they take the time out to reflect. 

I wanted to take this time out to thank those who have been here from the beginning, those who are still here supporting my blog and my writing. You don't know how much it truly means to me and I do my best to keep up with everything, continue to write as often as I can and to put out as much as I can. I really want my writing to reach those in need for them to know they are not alone; there are people out there who care.

I wanted to also say that if you felt like your year was uneventful, it's probably not true; just think about it a little more. When I say that I mean bonding with friends more is eventful, going back to school, a promotion at work, getting a video game you've been waiting for a long time, your physical and mental health improved, all of these things are eventful. In order for something to be eventful, it does not necessarily have to be this big and grandiose event. Appreciate the little things too.

Time is a human construct in order to feel some form of control over their lives. Which I can understand but I don't want others to put so much attention on the year ending and beginning. I prefer everyone to continue to focus on ourselves and doing what we need and want to do. There is a better place waiting for us and we should be working hard and striving to get there as soon as we can but we don't have to rush to get there.

All that aside, use this time however as you see fit; do what you have to do in order to feel comfortable with the new year. One of my close friends spent the day cleaning so that she could start the new year with a clean room. I thought it was pretty cool since I never thought to do that. When it came to me, I tend to go think about who I am, who I want to be and how I can head towards that road to becoming a better me. I don't like going into the new year with expectations because that is how I set myself up for disappointment. I want to go into things with no expectations and take things as they come.

As for the goals I had and completed, I exercised more, read more and learned to love myself more which is more than amazing to me. Those were things I didn't think I would accomplish as soon as I did and I'm more than proud of myself. Even if you didn't complete your goals yet, you should still feel very proud because you're still working towards it. My suggestion for most people is to not focus so much on when you become successful; you probably already are. Focus on you and your loved ones; keep doing what you're doing because you're doing great. Don't worry about the negative things some people will say because people are always going to talk. Ignore them and focus on those who are supporting you because they want to see you continue to succeed. Focus on your mind, your body and your spirit and those around you. Listen to your body, do not neglect it. Do what you have to do in order to stay fine, healthy and fight those who dare to get in the way of your health or your loved one's overall health.

Side note, I remember finding an image that said to write down all of the good stuff that happens to you throughout the year and putting them all in a jar. That way, at the end of the year, you can read them and read about how great your year was. That resonated with me and it is something I am considering to do. Some pretty harsh things ended up happening to me this year and it mostly had to deal with my mental health. It felt like a long road but I'm very fortunate that things went the way that they did.

I wanted to fill this post with inspiration, realism and to encourage everyone to keep being themselves, keep loving your loved ones as hard as you can, be kind, hold onto your mannerisms and keep focusing on what creates your joy. Give back some of the joy when the time comes. It doesn't cost a thing to give kindness and be kind to someone to help them smile. Keep loving yourself and continue to be understanding with yourself and give yourself all the time you need. If you keep working hard, you will get rewarded when you least expect it; just keep being you.

I'm going to end things here and I hope everyone keeps heading forward for their better future. Don't worry about the time, you're doing great. Keep going. Keep fighting and go into the year as a positive force.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

And, Happy New Year, Everyone. Let's have a great year together <3

find what inspires you

You don't actively have to look for what inspires you, it can find you when you least expect it. We are all humans beings so of course we are not always going to feel inspired all of the time. But that does not mean we can't find what can help us feel inspired.

We all have something that we are striving to become, striving to do but we can lose motivation and drive from time to time. That is why it is important to hold on and keep what inspires us in a safe place so that we can gain that reminder when needed.

Some people keep a picture in their wallet so that they get reminded every time they open up their wallets. Some people carry around a letter with them so that they can't forget what they're fighting for. Others may have a show or a book that they watch when they need to get the juices going.

Long story short, we're human and we are not always going to feel motivated to do what we want or have to do; it's common and happens to the best of us. Especially as we get older; our bodies will continue to change and we can only control so much of how our bodies respond to certain situations.

That does not mean that there aren't just as many, if not more, things that we can do to help our bodies and minds to keep us on the right path, on the path we want to be on.

I'll use myself as an example real quick. I haven't been getting any ideas for posts and I recently wrote more chapters for my fanfiction stories on my wattpad account but they need to be edited before I can publish them. But I haven't really been in the mood and I've been waiting for my writing juices to ignite but they haven't been so I was just being patient. But then, I bumped into this anime that has revolved around people who write their hearts on paper. It's supposed to be a slice of life anime with some drama and comedy. I've seen a few episodes and I think it's great so far. It ended up giving me the inspiration I needed.

These characters are younger than me and they're living my dream like it's nothing. It related back to one of the lines in said anime which is that everything you want, someone already has and as usual, they're not grateful for having it. That line stuck out to me because it's true. I honestly have a hard time appreciating all that I have because even though it may not feel like a lot sometimes, I know it's way more than some and there will always be someone somewhere who may want what I have. I may not think of it that often but it's true. Not everyone has a coat but wants or may need one. Not everyone has a computer but there are usually people who want or needs one. We have to learn how to appreciate where we are right now in our lives because it can always be worse and to keep striving.

There are too many people who are currently struggling and seriously don't have much. If you are a person who can give some time back to those in need, please do so. I know those in need will appreciate the time you spend on them with all their hearts.

Find your drive, find what or who motivates you to get out of bed, to keep moving forward and keep it somewhere safe so that you can access it anytime you need those creative wheels to start turning again.

I wanted to keep this one pretty brief since it all just came to me and this was all I had to say about the matter. I guess this can be a short but sweet post.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share what motivates you or how you motivate others.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3