'working interviews'

I had to write about this experience because it is something that I would not want others to get discouraged by.

I applied for this job and was asked to come in for an interview. I went in and I think the interview went rather well in my opinion. (of course, I'd think that way about myself. Biased much ) But, then they asked me to come in for the work interview. What a work interview is a process in which to see if you are able to complete the tasks given to you in an efficient manner and to see if you would be a suitable addition to their workplace.

I think I got along with most of the people there rather well but getting along with people at the office is never enough; that's a given. I was told on my third day there the concerns the higher-ups had. Firstly, they hesitated to tell me that I was not working effectively enough. They came off to me as not wanting to hurt my feelings or not wanting to come off as too harsh. I couldn't help but to think that this is the workplace, if you have something to say, say it. I have been in a similar situation when a higher-up didn't want to give me certain information because it was too hard for them or they were afraid of how I was going to feel.

I could go on and on and on about how incredibly unprofessional that is and how inappropriate. Due to something being difficult, does not mean it should be pushed back for your convenience when someone's livelihood is on the line; you are indebted to give said information as soon as you physically can, not when you 'feel like it.' Back to the story.

On my second and third day at their office, I thought I was doing things better, I thought I was getting the hang of things and that I was doing a lot of work; my stacks were starting to look like actual stacks. Turns out, I wasn't being efficient enough.

As mentioned prior, on my third day, the higher-up there decided to hesitate to explain to me that I was not working fast enough. I was inputting payment data and their expectation is to be able to input each check in about a minute's time. I had no idea because no one decided to inform me on this.

Also, the woman who was helping me so much and helped me to feel so comfortable told the higher-up that I kept asking the same question over and over again. I know my questions were concerning the same objective but I was inputting payments for different companies. Each company does not put the same piece of information in the same place nor in the same name so I had to memorize what each name meant. But, she said I kept asking the same questions. Cool. I don't care because I asked a lot of questions when I was encouraged to. Cool.

The woman who helped me also looked very stressed and I was questioning it because she barely knows me. If she's a caring person, I understand but at the end of the day, this is the workplace. If I don't get the position, I don't get it. I even told her that there are no hard feelings, I understand completely. At the end of it all, at least a tried; that's all that matters to me.

I say that because now I definitely know what isn't for me. I live in the city so commuting in the morning is beyond a nightmare. It's more of those reoccurring nightmares that make you dread going to sleep at night. Except my commute is in the daytime. I also can't do 9-5 jobs; they just are not for me. Ever since I was really young, before I knew I had pretty bad insomnia young, I never saw myself waking up super early to get somewhere at 9 in the morning and to leave at 5 in the afternoon to squish myself into train carts and standing up until I got home. Merely thinking about it all makes me feel so physically and emotionally exhausted.

At the end of it all, the higher-up asked me to come in on the following Monday to give me a chance. Afterward, I got a call a few hours later from said higher-up explaining to me that she explained everything to her boss and he gave the no for me to continue working for them. At least I'm going to get paid for my time working there. The hard part was actually done for me because nothing in me said to go back. There was such a lack of communication that I was turned off by the company and the position; I didn't want to work for them anymore.

It got me thinking about what I really want to do with myself, thinking about beginning to understand why so many people don't like working for other people and if maybe I wanted to have a small business of my own. Not sure but, it has been a thought more than once for me because I'm liking the act of working for other people less and less. There are too many people who prefer to take advantage of a large group of young adults and not pay them the money they obviously deserve.

Here's the part I want you to remember. You don't have to feel discouraged when a job does not hire you. It is never a personal attack and they don't decide to hire you because of personal reasons; doesn't happen that often. They just didn't see you being suitable for the position and that's fine, you will find a position that is better for you where you are appreciated.

I know it feels incredibly difficult to find a job in any city. I never realized how excruciating it is until I finally had to do it and honestly, I fucking hate it. I wish I could pick up all my shit, move to a suburban area, into a beautiful and cozy home and work in a bookstore. I wish. One could dream. My dream is to constantly be surrounded by books in my dreams.

Anyway, I know it is hard and it will continue to be but don't let people who don't know you get the best of you. You know you're worth. You know you are amazing and you're an amazing worker too. That position was not for you and it's okay; everything is not going to be for you. Life is about searching for everything that is for you. It's going to a tough and rough road ahead and it is going to be stressful and draining. Despite all that, I think in the end, it could be definitely worth the wait and all the hard work you put into it. Honestly, I know you just have to believe in yourself and something will work out for you, one way or another. ✨

Well, that's all I have to say for now. I am going to hit the pause button here. Until I decide to hit play on the next topic at hand.

Oh also! I can't help but feel that 'working interviews' are a scam to get people to work for their business for lower wages and without having to hire them after they get their shit done. But, that's just a theory. I get that people want to see how others are in action but damn; some people seriously need to be more active in their communication. Honestly. Okay, I'm done, this time. Swear.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

letting yourself feel.

I got inspired to write this post because I got really sad about something I've been dealing with the other day. I'm usually not the type to cry about whatever it was that I was sad about. My body even has a hard time crying most of the time whenever something does make me sad.

Sounds terrible, I know, but that's just how my body is for now.

But, this time I actually let myself cry. I was able to cry and I probably cried for about 5-10 minutes and I actually felt better. I know I'm talking about something that isn't new but I know people tend to forget to let themselves feel out their emotions or like myself, they don't let themselves feel their emotions out often enough.

I can't recall the last time I cried and I felt a little better. It felt brand new to me even though the act of crying and feeling better is not.

I remember I've been told no crying or princesses don't cry. I heard other people be told similar phrases and I know it would leave a bad taste in my mouth. I can't remember a moment when I told someone not to cry when they were genuinely sad about something. I'm not all that great anymore when it comes to comforting a person right away when they start crying like when I was younger but I try.

It's a very humane thing when someone starts crying. They're hurting and as their loved ones we have to try our best to comfort and console them through their troubling times; no matter how annoying it may or will get.

The older I get, I keep thinking about this psychiatrist that I met who I thought was a total bitch. I disliked her from the moment I told her nicely that she mispronounced my last name and she couldn't take me correcting her. Sometimes it takes something as small as such an encounter to get an idea of how a person is going to be with you.

But, something she told me stuck with me. It was that life is going to get more stressful. That was the only thing I took from her because, at the time, I thought I'd be able to tackle anything on my own. I was wrong. I can't do everything on my own but it was scary for me because that's all I know; how to do things on my own even if I'm doing something for someone else, I'd do it on my own. It wasn't until a few years ago that I've been getting better at asking and receiving help. It sounds silly but that's how life is for many people such as myself; we have a hard time asking and receiving help because we've done things for ourselves and on our own for so long.

Whoever reads this, I hope they understand that is it okay to cry. This is a reminder that it is not a form of weakness. It's not. It may feel that way but it's not. You will feel better after you give yourself the time to cry. Along with being patient with yourself to give yourself the time you need to heal from whatever it may be that is causing you the hurt to sad cry in the first place. You will gradually feel better; you just have to trust yourself to slide into your sadness (emotions), become aware of them and figure out a way that works for you in order for you to accept them wholeheartedly. 

There is no guarantee though that you will feel better right after but at least, you let yourself feel whatever emotions you were feeling and you're on a better path of feeling better.

That's all I have to say for now. I know I haven't made a blog post in a few months now and I said I'd come back around the end of March but I'm having too much fun writing my stories. It's this adventure that I'm on and it's something. It's small but it's mine. So for now, I don't have a schedule for my blog anymore. I don't know who was on the ride with my blog but whoever was, I hope they're not too mad about this.

I do plan to post but I don't always have a good idea to write something for my blog. But whenever I do, I will post.

You can follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share whatever is on your mind. Be friendly.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case anyone is interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile : ) Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3


                                                                                                                                       Happy Easter : )