New Year's Resolutions or our life goals?

We’re going to talk about our New Year’s Resolutions again! Except that’s not what we’re calling it anymore right? We’re calling it our everyday goals now.

I’ll use mine as an example. I want to continue to eat as healthy as I can throughout the year and get into a better physical health. I am no setting my goals to a ridiculous level because then I am going to be too hard on myself when I don’t succeed at first and beating myself up is not going to help me get to my long-term goals.

Again, what is important to do is to take baby steps. You want to lose 30 pounds, start by focusing on losing 3-5 pounds in probably a month or two. I say probably because everyone’s body is different and our metabolisms are different. It is possible to make our metabolisms faster which may help in the weight lose process but again, everyone’s body is different.

I cannot stress this out enough because there are so many people out there pushing themselves beyond the limit to see a number on a scale that may be not realistic for their body types. We have to consider height when it comes to our weight and we have to consider our genetic makeup as well. I am Hispanic and I am on the curvy side and there are certain parts of my body that can only get rid of so much fat because of my genetic makeup.

There are some people that they look great and weigh a certain amount because of so many other factors such as muscle mass. There are people that they are heavy but it is all muscle, barely any fat. Also, water weight can fluctuate between 3-5 pounds throughout the week and you can gain one pound just from drinking water alone, nothing else. I'm not saying that to freak anyone out, it is for you to start gaining a realistic perspective on your body and to start loving the body you were given.

I would suggest speaking with your primary physician, a nutritionist and a professional work-out trainer if you want to become more informed about your body about what realistic goals you could set for yourself.

Just because it is not January anymore does not mean you have to wait until next January to start a new goal. You can start new goals anytime throughout the year, not just in January.

Plus, I personally think it's fun to set up small short-term goals for ourselves to have something to look forward to every few months throughout the year. It’s cool. The little things matter and can go a long way.

If you had and started your goal(s) at the beginning of the year and you fell astray, that’s alright. What is important is that if this is a goal you want to see through one day, get back on track and try again. If this is something you really want to happen for yourself, you have to keep trying until the very end, do not give up because you get discouraged.

You may get discouraged and that is all apart of the process of achieving your goal(s); it means you want it. If you did not want this accomplish this goal, it would not affect you emotionally. Keep going.

I will end things here. Everything I say here is merely a suggestion and I hope no one takes any of this to heart. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what goal(s) you’re still striving to accomplish.

Smile, beautiful. Men can and are beautiful too. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

"13 Reasons Why"

I wanted to talk about our mental health again because of a book/turned Netflix series that is turning heads and is still keeping us talking. If you do get triggered/flashbacks/etc, from reading and/or seeing certain words or topics, then I urge you, DO NOT READ THIS POST. I am posting this to touch briefly on a sensitive topic but I do not want anyone getting hurt.

‘13 Reasons Why’ is the show I want to talk about a bit because of how controversial it is. I still think I shouldn’t be talking about this series quite yet because I have finished the Netflix series and I am still reading the book so everything I say will not be 100 percent accurate. I apologize in advance for this but I am actually loving the book so much that I didn’t want to wait another week to talk a little about it.

From the get go, I am going to say that this story is only one perspective when it comes to mental health issues and suicide. I thought, watching the show up to episode three, that the main girl, Hannah, was being a drama queen in some ways and I will admit that. That is how I felt in the beginning of the show and if that was the intention of the producers then kudos to them. If not, then they have to step their game up with it comes to portraying certain sensitive stories better.

The gist of the story for those who might not be familiar with it is about the main girl Hannah Baker who unfortunately ends up taking her life and she explains why through a series of cassette tapes. The Netflix series is different than the book, of course, and I’m guessing because some of the creators might have felt the book is a book dated since it was published ten years in 2007. Also the book is plot and scenery heavy, not so much character heavy like the series. I thought the dialogue in the book gave it its own charm but some people want to stay relevant instead of being original and quirky, solely my opinion.

The series is causing a lot of stir because how Hannah takes her life is different than in the book and in the series, you do see Hannah take her life in full motion. There are other reasons but this is just to name a couple. This is where I deeply disagree along with many medical and psychological professionals; they disagree highly and deeply. 

Netflix subscriptions are paying about nine dollars now and that is very affordable considering all the shows and movies you can see throughout the month. That is why people rave about Netflix so much. Now, when a show like that is popular with a certain age group, the show is going to be held under a magnifying glass because a bunch of educated adults are not the only ones watching this show, most likely a bunch of misinformed teenagers are watching this show along with a bunch of young children.

Personally, I think children should not be watching that section of Netflix. Netflix for kids is the only thing your kids should be watching. As for the teens, they are old enough to watch almost whatever they want but sometimes they do not ask questions about certain topics for many reasons including lack of comfort.

This is a show that I think a  mentally sound teen could watch and have a parent or guardian present or nearby in case they are confused about something or just someone to hug because this show does get emotional at times. I feel for Hannah’s parents whole-heartedly. 

I am also aware that some parents/guardians just do not know about the mental health of their kids for whatever the reason may be, no judgment.

I stress that those who do have mental health issues do not watch the series alone, do not. If you kept reading my post knowing that you are at risk or could be at risk, I strongly urge you to speak to someone you trust as soon as possible. I am going to stress that there is someone who watches out for you and will be there for you even if sometimes you may not be so mindful of it because of what you are going through or have been going through.

This link is to a list of phone numbers that you or anyone else can call if you feel like there is no one you can’t talk to because you feel like they will not understand or whatever your reason is, call. Please be mindful that every number for every area is different so Google hotlines that are for your area. If you live in the NYC area, there are numbers you can call.

I understand completely now why so many people had an issue with the show and still do. I was one of those people where I would get furious at some point of the episode and I did have my biases going into the show but I did my best to see everything through until the end and now I am almost done with the book. My mentor even mentioned to me that The New York Times wrote a few articles about the book, of course, and some were better than others.

I was able to get a deeper look into the book by learning why the author decided to write a book and it was because he had a family member took their own life and it spoke to me a bit because I too had a family member who took her life. I wasn't so affected by it emotional because I just met this family member, at the time, about a year ago but I was so disheartened that she felt that no one could help her. My parents and I, everyone, felt terrible.

Those who are in need, I urge to call one of those hotlines. They are "in the moment help" I can say. It is not long-term help, it is short-term help. If you need long-term help, speak to someone you know can help you get long-term help, I strongly urge it.

A lot of the characters in the book felt that is Hannah spoke with someone or at least had someone who could have supported her that she’d still be alive. I want to agree but there are people who have supporting friends, a good family life and a good paying job and sadly still take their life. I agree that if they treated Hannah like a person, things may have turned out differently but would she have decided not to take her life? I can't answer that for the character Hannah represents.

I can agree that it is a selfish act in the sense where it is all about the person; it was all about Hannah and no one else including her parents. I did not finish the book but from what I know so far, Hannah’s parents did not get any form of closure as to why she decided to take her life meanwhile all her classmates are listening to why Hannah took her life because that was her own decision. I'm talking about the book here, not the show and I do not want to put any spoilers.

It’s beyond difficult emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Sometimes, we don’t know what is going on in a person’s life. All we can do is try to be our best selves when we leave our homes and try to be mindful of others around us. We're all human and we will make mistakes.

Wrapping up, I recommend the book because it is a good read and I think it can open up some people to at least start thinking about the topics being presented in the book and hopefully talk about it in a way to spread awareness and to have an open-minded discussion about how to help others and to not make or pass certain judgments. As for the Netflix series, it is just another drama show, to me, staring high school kids. As I mentioned, the show focuses a lot on character development and the extras they include because it feels like they want to try to get a second season for the show but that is my opinion. If you really want to watch this show, I say double check because I believe some guidelines need to be followed before watching this show.

That is where I will end, everything I say here is merely a suggestion and I hope no one takes any of this to heart. No matter what I suggest, you can make the final decision in what you think is best for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what you thought of the book or the series.

Smile, wonderful. Try doing one good deed a day and until next time, Take Care <3

Friends w/ Benefits

Okay, let’s talk about friends with benefits for a bit. 'Millennials' are pretty much officially the generation that mainstreamed friends with benefits without even meaning to; it just happened.

I think we are very comfortable with ourselves sexually and more power to us. I know there are some people who are not comfortable with themselves sexually and that’s okay because we all have such a long time to find ourselves sexually.

I wanted to bring up friends with benefits because of the negative connotations that are attached to it. Right off the bat, I am going to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a friend(s) with benefits and you should not frown or shame someone who does because that is their decision and both or more parties consented to it. Unless you friend(s) is talking to you about their sexual endeavors, it’s none of you business what you friend(s) is doing in the privacy of their home.

If you are a person who is not comfortable with the idea of having sex with one or more of your friends, then let yourself be heard if it is ever brought up to you. Clearly state to your friend(s) that you are not about that life and make sure they understand so that they never bring it up to you if you are really that uncomfortable about it.

Those who are more than down with having sex with one of you friends, make sure to lay down some grounds rules from the very beginning and communication has to be rule number one or else things can get messy real quick.

You two, or more, are friends first so you should have no problem speaking to each other about what is going to happen in the bedroom and outside.

Be mindful of who you pick to be your friends with benefits. If you are in a place in your life where you are trying to get over someone and do not want a serious relationship, pick a friend who is on the same boat as you because we do not want feelings getting hurt because both, or all, intentions were not established from the very beginning.

Also keep in mind that feelings can or will change over time. That is why communication is very important to have between all parties. If you think you might want to date your friend(s) seriously, talk to them to see how they feel about it. If they feel the same then that’s great and you pick things up from there. If they do not feel the same way about you romantically, then getting out of that arrangement is the way to go in order to save your romantic feelings. Do whatever you have to do to save your romantic feelings from getting more hurt than necessary. 

Another thing, when you feel like your time of being friends with the sexual benefits is over, break it down to your friend that you too will no longer be having sex with one another because you think it’s time to return to just being friends.

I also want to point out that I know nothing is perfect. Some arrangements can return back to being platonic friends and I know other friendships can end over it because it got too weird for one person or someone's feelings got too hurt. Whatever happened somewhere in the mix, it’s important to try to talk things out and if things do not work out in the end, sadly, try to let things go so that you are not stuck in that dark place which could possibly become toxic for you and other involved. We don't want that.

Mainly, remember to have fun! We all have needs and you’re not just having sex with a complete stranger, that person is your friend. So have all the fun you can with them until your new spouse comes along.

That is all I have to say about the topic for now.  I do intend to talk about sex because it has become mainstream because, clearly, everyone does it so I don’t know why we’re not talking about it enough. I will continue to.

Everything I say here is merely a suggestion, please don’t take none of this to heart and do what you think is the best decision for you. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me if Friends w/ Benefits is or is not for you.

Going out for a walk for at least 10 minutes can increase your mood, so I hear. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Close-minded People

My main advice when it comes to close-minded people is to watch out for them. They're usually the type of people to say that they are not close-minded when actually they are. Usually people who describe themselves as certain traits such as nice, sweet, or open-minded, usually they are not those things. People who are truly nice and giving do not say that they are because they normally show it through their actions; what they do for their loved ones or those around them.

I had one encounter with a close-minded person not wanting to admit that what they said was close-minded while knowing that they said something wrong. I found myself lucky that it wasn't in person and just through social media because I never want to have conversations about certain topics with close-minded people because they tend to not listen to the other party and it is annoying to me. The person ended up getting offended about a video concerning drag queens participating during story time for groups of children. The drag queens would come in for story time and read a book of choice for the children. I found it mesmerizing because it makes such sense to me. Drag queens take such pride in entertaining people. When it comes to children, I know the kids would have a great time hearing the character have different voices and see a person read to them who is wearing a colorful or vibrant outfit that catches their attention can keep the kid's attention. It find it very beautiful to expose our children to different people and to also help them find their own comfort in themselves if they feel that they can relate to a drag queen on whatever kind of level.

The person found the video offensive and I think that's fine because everyone has their own thoughts and opinions and I respect that. But when they act upon it while disrespecting someone else, I am going to say something and that I did. Then the person responded to me saying that they'll apologize if I could find 5 instances in total where they were offensive towards the LGBTQ community. I want everyone to pay attention to the fact that the person said they'd apologize, which shows that they know they did something wrong but isn't going to apologize unless their ridiculous requirements are met. Don't fuck around with people like that! 3 instances is 3 times too many for me! I ended up telling them to not chill on my page if they do not like what I post on my social media profile, end of story. This entire encounter didn't have to be an encounter but I refuse to remain silent over some disrespectful shit.

One thing I thought of was that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, some close-minded people are going to say that it's a penguin because they believe it's a penguin. Other people might point out to them that it might be a duck but because some close-minded people believe it's a penguin, it's a penguin to them. Probably a very poor analogy but I hope it gets a point across.

Some, not all, close-minded people choose to see live only through their lens and that is fine because they do not want to become more aware of their surroundings and who are we to force that upon them? But do not tolerate their disrespectful bullshit because they decided not to educate themselves on everyday people and lives.

I will end things here because I think I got my point across where you can definitely be friends with people who are not knowledgeable in certain topics; that is fine. But when they decide to be respectful and do not see why, do not engage long, give your two seconds and bounce because 9 times out of 10, it is not worth it. Everything I say here is simply a suggestion, I do not intend anyone to follow what I suggest here.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me about the time you shut down a close-minded asshole.

Smiling can lead to feeling slightly happier throughout your day, doing good deeds are contagious and until next time, Take Care <3

Body Image

I wanted to talk a little about this topic because I have had my fair share with not feeling comfortable in my skin and I wanted to try to bring some comfort to those who may not as well.

There will be days when we do not feel great in our skin for whatever the reason may be. Your face probably has too much acne and you feel self-conscious about it. You probably feel a bit over weight or you feel very over weight and it makes you feel terrible about your body and the shape.

I wanted to say that it is okay to not feel okay sometimes about how we look. That can give us a new goal to work towards. It can give us motivation to try to feel the way we want to feel. It is very important to be mindful about the fact that we will not reach our goals in one week or two weeks. It can take up to about two or more months. I have a friend who got in shape and it took him about a year to get to the weight and figure he wanted but he didn't give up.

If looking a certain way is your goal in life then work towards it. It is very important to feel comfortable in our skin because it brings out our confidence and it shows.

I also need to add that there is nothing wrong with your body as well. I am mentioning that if you feel the need to change how you look because you feel it would increase your confidence or make sure you are healthy, go for it. That does not mean that you should not embrace who you are though. It is also very important and to live long enough to make sure to take care of your body.

It took me a long time to start working towards my body goals because of how much I love my body. But for the sake of my health, I need to lose some weight despite how much I love my body. Sometime some sacrifices need to be made for a greater good.

I always encourage people to love who they are as a person and how they look because no one looks like them. It is important to embrace who we are because everyone else is taken. Love who you are as a person and how you look.

I do recommend not to go to such far extents that are life threatening to get a body you may want because our health always comes first.

I also wanted to bring up that there are times when you are more than just hard on yourself and how you look. There are some people who look at themselves in the mirror and detest how they look; they are the first person to call themselves ugly and continue to say it. Some people also do not take care of themselves because they want a certain body shape and do not eat. There are some who also workout to much and can become a problem. I only listed a few but if you or someone you know may be this negative towards their body, I highly and deeply recommend seeing a mental health professional to gain some form of help on how you persevere yourself.

I will end things here but I do intend to revisit this topic from time to time. Everything I saw here is simply a suggestion, I do not intend anyone to follow what I suggest here. Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me how you encourage others to improve how much they love themselves.

Smiling helps with feeling happier longer. Try to do one good deed a day and until next time, Take Care <3