find what inspires you

You don't actively have to look for what inspires you, it can find you when you least expect it. We are all humans beings so of course we are not always going to feel inspired all of the time. But that does not mean we can't find what can help us feel inspired.

We all have something that we are striving to become, striving to do but we can lose motivation and drive from time to time. That is why it is important to hold on and keep what inspires us in a safe place so that we can gain that reminder when needed.

Some people keep a picture in their wallet so that they get reminded every time they open up their wallets. Some people carry around a letter with them so that they can't forget what they're fighting for. Others may have a show or a book that they watch when they need to get the juices going.

Long story short, we're human and we are not always going to feel motivated to do what we want or have to do; it's common and happens to the best of us. Especially as we get older; our bodies will continue to change and we can only control so much of how our bodies respond to certain situations.

That does not mean that there aren't just as many, if not more, things that we can do to help our bodies and minds to keep us on the right path, on the path we want to be on.

I'll use myself as an example real quick. I haven't been getting any ideas for posts and I recently wrote more chapters for my fanfiction stories on my wattpad account but they need to be edited before I can publish them. But I haven't really been in the mood and I've been waiting for my writing juices to ignite but they haven't been so I was just being patient. But then, I bumped into this anime that has revolved around people who write their hearts on paper. It's supposed to be a slice of life anime with some drama and comedy. I've seen a few episodes and I think it's great so far. It ended up giving me the inspiration I needed.

These characters are younger than me and they're living my dream like it's nothing. It related back to one of the lines in said anime which is that everything you want, someone already has and as usual, they're not grateful for having it. That line stuck out to me because it's true. I honestly have a hard time appreciating all that I have because even though it may not feel like a lot sometimes, I know it's way more than some and there will always be someone somewhere who may want what I have. I may not think of it that often but it's true. Not everyone has a coat but wants or may need one. Not everyone has a computer but there are usually people who want or needs one. We have to learn how to appreciate where we are right now in our lives because it can always be worse and to keep striving.

There are too many people who are currently struggling and seriously don't have much. If you are a person who can give some time back to those in need, please do so. I know those in need will appreciate the time you spend on them with all their hearts.

Find your drive, find what or who motivates you to get out of bed, to keep moving forward and keep it somewhere safe so that you can access it anytime you need those creative wheels to start turning again.

I wanted to keep this one pretty brief since it all just came to me and this was all I had to say about the matter. I guess this can be a short but sweet post.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share what motivates you or how you motivate others.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Some can't spread holiday cheer

I wanted to bring up this topic again and give it the attention it deserves. I haven't been searching around yet to see how many are really talking about this. I can speak for myself that ever since finding a mentor and having such deep conversations did I learn about this one. I never thought of people having a hard time around the holidays because of the time of year. Everyone is cheery, donating, volunteering and helping others so much that it never came to mind for me the other struggles around us other than some unfortunately being homeless or not having enough food or a coat to keep them warm outside.

There are people who are trying to manage with a recent lost which I can only imagine how that feels. I went to a banquet not long ago with my parents for their union. Everyone was giving their speeches about the union and how they will continue the fight for everyone to have some form of healthcare and to be treated with nothing less than respect. When it was the president's turn to speak, I can't remember what I was expecting at the time because what I got was completely human.

When I say completely human, the president of the union was completely transparent and honest with himself and what he is currently experiencing in his life. The man was in tears because he started speaking about his wife. He talked about how she passed away in September and now we are in December. He has not had his wife for about 3 months when they would have been together for 43 years. 43 years. I need everyone to sit with that number for a whole moment because that only made me think of my parents who have been together for about the same amount of years.

He spoke about celebrating Thanksgiving and having to learn a lesson that he never thought he would have to learn nor did he want to learn. He learned that he is heartbroken. 

He said more but hearing this got to me and I couldn't fathom his emotions. He's hurting so much and there's only so much, as humans, that we can give to this somber man. That man is now living without his wife whom he had been for 43 years and now he has to learn how to live without her because he's still on his life mission. He has to continue that mission without her and I was tearing up with this man; a man that I have never met and I do not know personally. There were times when he was choking up on stage because of course, he is thinking of no one much other than his wife. He spoke about how when she was in the hospital, everything went fine before she passed away. All the doctors and nurses were nice and thoughtful. They were all so help to him and his wife and she was treated with all the respect and dignity she deserved. He wanted to point that out because that was a reality for them because of their fight to make sure everyone has healthcare.

This man is suffering right now and there are millions like him. There are people suffering, there are people crying as you are reading this, there are people who have no one in their lives, no family, no friends, people currently living with depression, with anxiety, with some type of mood or personality disorder that may or may not kill them in the future and the list will go on forever.

Just because it is a time to be cheery and loving, does not mean everyone can do it. It is so important to try to be kinder to others because we really do not know what is going on in everyone's live. We can't tell just by looking at them when we just so happened to catch them on their good day. We have to listen to each other, be understanding, sympathetic and empathetic.

I want to stress these things because it should not just be around this time of year, it should be all year round. We need to find ways to be kinder as often as we can to others. Try to help others all year round. Listen to people who just need to talk for a moment all year round. Be sympathetic and empathetic to those who need it all year old. This is not the only time of year people need help in some way; these sorts of terrible experiences happens all year round.

I know we're not perfect but just trying can be enough for someone in their time of need.

Okay. I am going to end things here. I told myself I didn't want this to be too long and it looks too long. Even though I'm typing this on my computer. I needed to come back to this topic because as I mentioned, I've known for a long time now that this is a hard time for some and I try my best to be available to those in need and do whatever I can do. But listening to the President of the union be vulnerable and so open with everyone about what he is going through made me have to write about this more and give it the spotlight this topic deserves. I want to let those know, who are having a rough time, to reach out to someone. Even if it's here! Reach out to me and I'll talk to you. Sometimes people just need to talk. I just want those who are reading and having a tough time to know that you are not alone. There will be always someone somewhere willing to help. I know how difficult it can be to open up a bit but you have to say something in order for someone to know that you are hurting and we'll steer the wheel from there. Everyone, be safe out there.

I also wanted to take the time out to thank those who have been reading my posts around the time I started up until now and to those who are new and reading my stuff. I still have no idea exactly what I am doing. A lot of the times I am basically writing for myself since I'm not sure whose reading. Last week though, the amount of views I usually got shot up and I have been getting more! I needed to take the time out to thanks those who go out of their way to read my posts and support. I'm just so very grateful. Sure I don't have hundreds or thousands but I'm grateful nonetheless because every little bit counts. I feel that much closer to achieving my dreams and goals. Thank you so much! <3

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how you intend to make the holidays better for someone.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Respecting our journeys

"I wasn't sure what exactly to talk about but I know I wanted it to be on a happier note. I have been talking a lot about mental health since I have been struggling with it. I noticed that one of the reasons why I have been struggling with my mental health is because I've been too hard on myself and not respecting my journey."

I decided to keep the top part because that was me when I was not feeling mentally alright. I want to stress for those who were in my shoes or who are currently in those shoes that it is okay to not be okay sometimes because a lot of us live in a society where they are beyond stressful. Our bodies are not built to endure such great amounts of stress for an extended period of time. So of course, something bad is bound to happen when we continue to exert ourselves and not give ourselves enough breaks. You can commit to your work and be a great worker which is amazing because there are so many people who are not a great worker which is factual. But that does not mean that you cannot give yourself breaks. You need breaks for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Our health is of the utmost importance. We need to make sure that our health is our number one priority.

If we do not put our health first, we won't be much of anything. The reason why we are able to do what we are able to do for a long time is because we are healthy. If we weren't healthy, we wouldn't be able to do much of anything.

This is the time of year where people may be working more which is okay; just make sure to have a break somewhere. It is okay to not work at all but make sure you are doing something to keep yourself active even if it's just walking around the block. There are different ways to give yourself a break.

I titled this post 'respecting our journeys' because it is very important to respect our own individual paths. We live in a technology ran world where anything is accessible including everyone else's lives. We can continuously see what other people are doing and of course, they put a majority of the good things they are experiencing because they want people to enjoy those good times with them. When it comes to some people anyway in my opinion. Unfortunately, not everyone is taught to be happy for people. When some people continue to see others having a good time and if they are not doing the same, they have an opposite effect. They feel they are missing out. They feel that they should be able to do the same things in their lives but probably can't for whatever the reason may be. Which, can lead to many negatives feelings and outcomes.

That is the moment when you are disrespecting your journey and yourself. It is okay to feel envious or jealous of others since it's a humane emotion but it doesn't mean that it's a good humane feeling. It's not good because why be jealous and envious? You have your things too; other people literally just have different stuff and live situations. Yes, everyone wants to have pretty things, have a lot of money and go on awesome looking adventures but as I said, people on the internet put a majority of the good stuff that they are experiencing; it does not mean that the entire experience was wonderful. It does not mean that all of their experiences are amazing; they are human too and are going to go through trials and tribulations just like you and me.

I put the good stuff because I want people to feel happy or joyous when they read my posts. But I also don't mind putting some of the rough situations I experience because I don't want people to feel as alone as I'd feel sometimes. I always hope and wish that my posts reach those who need them most. I always hope that people read my posts and don't feel so alone anymore because they are not. There are others who feel the same way.

That is why I want to stress to respect our journeys. If we didn't reach our ideal weight yet, that is more than okay. Be mindful of all the time you have to get to your ideal body type. You didn't get into the school you wanted to? That only sucks now because it is a does suck not to get into the school you wanted to but you probably will later or get into a better school. Yes, you could get into a worse school but it doesn't matter because what you make of your experience is what really matters. You don't have to go to the best school to get the best job. How you present yourself and showing what you are capable of will go much farther than what school you went to. Whatever your situation is that you don't like, it is temporary, it really is. Nothing, that I can think of, lasts forever so let's try to make the most of what we have and try to do our best with them. I know we can do it. It does feel hard because it is a tough situation. We are going to have time when we feel very low because that is part of the journey.

When we are feeling very low, that is the moment when we can learn the most about ourselves. We can take those lessons and apply them when we are feeling much better and are doing the best can do.

I will end things here. It felt good to get some things off my chest. I hope some of you feel better getting some things off your chest too.

Please follow me on TWITTER @MIDNIGHTHUEE and share with us how your journey is going whether it is good or bad. Sometimes it can be good to share.

I also have my WATTPAD account where my stories live in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I'd appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Holidays are Hard for some

This is a fact that some may know and others may not know but when it comes to the holiday season, it is vastly difficult for a lot of people.

This could be the time for a group of people when they are remembering someone they lost around this time of year because someone or another group of people decided to be careless which is known to happen around this time of year a lot.

Yes, there is a bunch of people who are careless all year round but when it comes to this time of year, for some, it skyrockets which puts even more lives in danger. Unfortunately, due to other's carelessness, others have to suffer and deal with some loses which is hard around a time when it is known to be a cheery time of year.

Some people do not get a chance to be around their family for whatever the reason may be. It is known that traveling around this time is very stressful because millions are traveling at once. So it becomes that much harder to get from place to place to see your family and friends.

Some people just don't have anyone to share this time of year with which is very hard to imagine for some but that is the reality for millions of people.

That's why I wanted to make the time out to make this post just to remind others to do your best and to be a human being and just spread some cheer around; be kind and mindful to others. Don't go around making it your mission to give someone a hard time just because you may or may not be having a good time for a moment. There are millions of people who are having a very difficult time and they do not need you to make it worse for them when their situation is worse than yours. Which is definitely a possible so don't entertain the thought of whose got it worse.

Everyone should do their very best to be as kind as they can and not just this time of year but all year round because there are millions of people whose life situations may not be getting better just yet or might not get better for quite some time. Don't be a jerk to strangers because they're a stranger. Even if the person may have given you a hard time, try being the bigger person and walk away from an unnecessary situation. Most of us are not children anymore; prison is always an option.

I may make another post about the holidays since I love this time of year but since I'm tired from work, I may not be as active as I usually am. Plus, considering my life situation, it's better just to watch and enjoy the festivities from afar when it comes to family; I can do much more active activities with my close and best friends.

This seems like a nice place to stop. Recap. Don't be a jerk on purpose to people because this is the time of year, and throughout the year, where a lot of people are having a hard time. Many people may have lost someone close, many people have mental illnesses they are dealing with or learning how to live with those illnesses, this is also the time of year where many people lose a lot. So please try to be kind and mindful of others and do a kind deed. Also, if you clearly see someone doing something wrong to another person, don't be too afraid to stand up for that person; not everyone knows how to defend themselves. It is okay to be the hero sometimes so long as you have a very good idea of what you're getting yourself into because some people can be very dangerous. Please be careful out there.

Please, please, please, be careful everyone.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and share with us how you spend your holidays.

I also have my Wattpad account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I'd appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Everyone Doesn't have Good Parents

I wanted to make this post for those who don't have good parents and have to continuously explain to people that they do not go to their parents for typical parent situations.

Before anyone starts questioning, I don't think my parents are that bad compared to other's but their short comings can have a lasting hit. A lot of people refuse to acknowledge that emotional hits can last but they can be remembered for a long time for some.

There have been times when I wished my mother would have actually defended me or there have been times when I wished my dad was more careful with his words. But at the end of the day, they are people who are going to make mistakes. When the kids become adults, we are constantly told not to take certain things personally and that includes what our parents end up telling us no matter how much it may hurt. I personally still don't know how to tell my parents they hurt my feelings. It sounds and feels weird to me because hearing sorry from them doesn't make the pain they caused any less.

I also know that my parents are not that bad compared to parents who are negligence, physically hurting their children, selling their children for sex and drugs, abandoning them before their lives have started, and the list goes on. I am more than grateful for my parents; they wanted better lives for themselves in result made sure their children could have a fighting chance in this world. My parents have been parents almost their whole lives and that is not an easy decision to make.

There are so many children, so many adults who still hurt until this day from what their parents said and did to them and we can't always tell who those hurting people are or what they may look like. Some were able to get passed all of those hardships, forgive their parents enough to move on and not to let that sort of energy consume or prevent them from living their lives.

Others, on the other hand, are still struggling from the hardships they have experienced with their parents to the point where they do not know how to move on; some do not know how to forgive. Some might not want to forgive their parents because they believe their parents do not deserve forgiveness.

It is a touchy subject for some and it's understandable. Some kids kill for the day for their parent(s) to tell them they're proud of them or to hear their parents tell them excellent job meanwhile other kids don't have to work as hard to hear, "excellent job, I'm so proud of you, you worked very hard and you deserve a break." Some kids would kill to hear that sentence. Some kids would kill to just have loving and involved parents.

The up side is that once we do become adults, we are in charge of who we are and who we want to become; we don't have our parents holding us back anymore. It can be scary as hell as first but the more we think about how scary the world can be or is, the less steps we are going to take forward. We can think about how scary things can be for a little bit and prepare for certain outcomes since we can never really be prepared for anything and everything; we can only do the best that we can. 

So on that note, I am going to end things here. I know we can do it. It will be a hard and strenuous  road ahead but it's our road and we can do whatever the hell we want with it. We just have to keep doing what we are doing and something will budge somewhere down the line.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and share with us a little bit of good and bad about your parents. Think of it as an outlet.
I also have my Wattpad account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I'd appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Give Yourself a Break

It is very important for us to give ourselves a break or else we will burn-out and be of use to no one including ourselves.

We need to make it a habit to give ourselves a break whether that is asking for a personal day, making sure do partake in our hobbies on a daily or every other day basis or just doing the things you love to do and just only doing that for a period of time.

We all work hard and that is great. The issue is, we work too hard for too long. I've seen plenty of people who are burnt out or are going to be burnt out very soon and that isn't good at all for anybody. We always want to feel full of energy and be lively which is great. But that does not mean that we always have to be that way. We can schedule days for ourselves where we are just relaxing or spending time with the people we love.

Yes, we do have our days off but sometimes two days just isn't enough. And that's to say if you even have two days off. I know some people who either have one day off or have no days off which is terrible. 

Everyone needs a breaks from time to time.

I wanted to take the time to write about this because I have not been giving myself enough time to have a break. I used to have my two days off every week when I was in college and it was exactly what I needed. But then I started socializing more and it really took it's toll on me over time. I found myself tired almost all the time at a point. That was when I knew I had to socialize accordingly or else I wouldn't be able to do much of anything because I wouldn't have enough energy for it. I also work a lot more now and this is where I have been learning a lot more again about giving myself the days I need to recuperate.

As I said, we need to take care of ourselves in the best of ways because not a lot of people can. Yes, our loved ones do take care of us and make sure we are grooming ourselves properly, eating, and drinking enough water.

But when it comes to knowing our own limits, our loved ones are not always going to notice that. It is important to learn about ourselves more, figure out our limits, and know when to give ourselves a day off or more than a day if needed. Also! It's very important not to feel guilty about it either. I knew it took me some time to not feel bad about not going to work. I know I work very hard and I'm sure many of you do too if you end up feeling bad about not being at work. Give yourselves the time off you deserve!

Take your days off, rejuvenate yourselves, and get ready for the week ahead, it's gonna be filled with a lot of great stuff to do.

I'm going to end things here. I didn't want this post to be too long today because I've noticed that some of my posts turn out to be much longer than anticipated so I'll do my best to hand out some shorter ones once in a while.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what do you do on your days off.
I also have my Wattpad account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I'd appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

'Black-ish' episode : Mother Nature

I watched one of the new episodes of 'Black-ish" not long ago. It was the episode 'mother nature' where Rainbow 'Bo', is experiencing postpartum depression and I am in tears for probably half of the episode. I was looking straight into a mirror. I could relate to her character on such a deep level and I knew I had to write about it. I have not had a child so I have not experienced postpartum depression specifically but I have experienced depression due to high levels of stress and that shit sucked.

You want to be healthy so bad but you know mentally you are not.

I am desperate for mental health issues to become more normalized in the sense that people in our society becomes more aware to the point that anyone would recommend a trip to a doctor's office like they do a broken foot or the common cold. I know that things would become so much easier for millions of Americans alone if mental health issues were given the attention it so rightfully deserves.

Bo kept saying she was fine anytime her husband, Dre asked if she was okay when clearly she was not okay. Her depression was known throughout their home and her children were worried. Her husband was worried and they did not know what to do to help their mother who was clearly not alright. My depression was barely known. I probably only told 3-4 people about my depression. Now more people know because I have more strength and energy to talk about it and advocate for others whenever the opportunity presents itself. I'm not even sure if my parents noticed.

But I kept thinking that this actress did her homework and for that, I am so grateful to her. We do not talk about the mothers who just gave birth enough. How is she feeling? What is she doing? How is her mental health? Besides the fact we are not talking about depression and mental health enough, imagine a mother who just gave birth and is expected to be the happiest mother in the world because she just gave birth to her child but she isn't. Birth is so strenuous on the body no matter how much we advance in medicine; pregnancy is another human being renting out your body for 9 months.

Kids don't always take something from their mom on their way out but for some moms, things are taken. They should not be shamed for it, they should gain treatment when they do not feel like themselves anymore after giving birth.

I found the episode to be deeply inspiration and I hope this is a topic that gets talked about more.

All the women who decided to get pregnant to have their children are special people. It is not easy to be pregnant for a portion of women and for them to do it anyway shows more credit than society gives; we should change that.

There is a lot of situations and reactions that need to change when it comes to mental health and hopefully circumstances will only improve and not go backwards. 

short announcement: I also wanted to take this time to share with those who read my blog posts, that I am changing the name of my post from 'Suggestion Box', to 'Substance for the Subconscious'. I am very happy to be doing this because I feel like this is a name that is mine and that rolls of the tongue a bit. I know a lot of people might not like the ring of it but I do. It is a scary step but I can always change it again but for now, I wanna try out 'Substance for the Subconscious' to see how that goes.

Thank you to those who do read my blog and I hope you have been enjoying the ride. I hope to only get better and to continue to give you food for your thoughts.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what are some techniques you have been taught to help improve your mental health? I also have my Wattpad account where my stories lives in case those may be interested in reading my creative writing. I'd appreciate the support deeply and truly.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because you know yourself best. You do.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

'What is standing in your way right now'

I decided to answer another one of my writing prompts since it has been a while and I thought this was a really good question. I also wanted to share for those who might need a little time to dig into their inner selves.

My answer was, "I'd say the only thing in my way is me. I know I am capable of being able to do and complete so much. I can't help but to continue to feel 'where can my skills be used the most?' My biggest passion is writing and always has been for a very long time. There was even a time in my life when I wasn't creatively writing and writing was rarely on my mind. Due to the head space I was in at the time, I had completely forgotten about my love and passion for writing. When I got older and got to a remotely better place with my overall well-being, I tried writing again. But nothing was coming out for years. During the previous summers, I tried buying fancy pens and canary yellow toned notepads thinking the fancier the supplies were, the more inspired I'd become. Things didn't work out that way and I couldn't write anything for about 3 summers. It was heart-breaking but I never had it in mind to give-up. I kept having in mind to leave my writing alone, give it some space and come back to it later hoping to have something good to write. I'm also afraid of what I'm capable of as well and scaring people away is another. I'm also afraid of biting more than I can chew and really messing up."

Overall, my fears are getting in the way of me doing and giving more to myself professionally. I'm scared of scaring people away because I can be 'intense' and 'bold' but over time I learned that it does not matter if I scare those people away because if they do scare that 'easily' then they are not the people to be in my life as a friend. Maybe they can fit somewhere else in my life but as my friend, it is a no because I can be very bold and intense. I have two best friends who love me because I have those traits. They even encourage me to keep being my best-self and that is something we all need; people who will encourage and help us to become our best-selves.

This prompt is suppose to be a page long but of course I recommend anyone to write as long as they feel they need to. I do suggest this prompt for anyone who'd want to take some time out to sit with themselves and think of what could be 'standing in their way right now.' When I first bumped into this prompt I thought it was appropriate for me to answer such a question that will cause me to think a little deeper because I needed to. I'm in a place where I need to start thinking of the next step in my life and figuring out how to make that next step. I'm not saying I'm in a bad spot. I just need to be in a better spot since I want more for myself and I need to give myself more. I need to continue to tell myself that I need more and I deserve more. The more I channel this, the more likely I am to strive for a life situation that is better for me and my future.

I'm going to end things here because honestly I've been tired from work and all I wanna do is read and think of more stories to post on my Wattpad. Please check it out and leave comments on what you would like to read about. I'm sorry if this feels rushed to anyone because it was and I kept feeling bad if I didn't post anything so I hope this is good enough until my next post.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me what you do when you're tired that you barely want to do anything.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3


small announcement: I won't be able to post every Sunday anymore, sadly, since things keep coming up on my side which prevents me from getting the chance to sit down and write out my posts. Even though I have not and won't be posting every Sunday, I do intend to post once a week. Things might get better when I get a new computer but for now, I will be posting once a week.

Anxiety is a trouble-maker

Since I made a very important post about depression and having depression, I knew I had to make a post about having and living with anxiety.

This is something that I had been wanting to write about for a long time but I never got around to it. Now that I have noticed that I have been getting more anxiety, I knew it was time to talk about it more. This is something that probably a lot of people can relate to but I get a lot more anxiety when I am dating someone.

It's something recurring for me and it's something that I wish I didn't have to deal with but it is what it is. I get triggered around men whom I am dating since there are so many things going through my mind when I am dating someone. I have had too many experiences where I think everything is okay and then it turns out that there are some issues that the guy decided to withhold from me. Another reason is how I have been previously treated so whenever my body feels it's in similar situations, I get anxious. These are just to name a few instances where my anxiety can get triggered.

It's one of the worst feelings in the world because most of the time the situation is not going to reoccur because every guy is different. But just the slightest thing that reminds my mind of whatever terrible event that has happened will trigger my anxiety and make me think of the worst or most irrational things that can happen between me and a guy.

Fortunately, wanting to work in the psychology field has helped me gain plenty of tools to help grow and thrive in a romantic relationship. It has also helped me a great deal to understand my anxiety better, what exactly is anxiety and what I can do to soothe my anxiety and to go back to rationalizing my thoughts.

Being and feeling anxious about something or someone sucks. Some guys would tell me that I am over-thinking things and everything is okay. But my anxiety is telling me the exact opposite and things continue to be terrible because who do I believe? My anxiety who has been there for who knows how long or a guy I've only been seeing for quite some time? Some may even say that our anxiety can help warn you about things that may happen. I feel that your anxiety may be telling you that something is going on that needs to be addressed which is normal. What is not okay is how our anxiety may blow things out of proportion which causes anxiety to be a trouble-maker.

I can go on and on about my anxieties but lets talk about ways to manage and to deal with our anxieties. One, if it is that bad, try looking for a therapist. This is something that is going to take some time and dedication because you may be shopping for a therapist for quite some time if you do not find one you are comfortable with on the first try but until then let's try number two; breathing.

Whatever it is that triggered you anxiety, try to breath in deeply. The deeper you breath, the more oxygen makes its way into your brain which can have a calming effect. So when you're anxious, try focusing on your breathing. This has helped me a bit. Another thing that has helped me is taking a bath, drinking some wine and drinking some chamomile tea; whatever tea you like, drink it. This was three; drinking something soothing or getting into a bath with all the fixens that you desire.

A fourth thing you can try is going for a walk. When I say going for a walk I mean in nature. Do not go out for a walk in a busy street somewhere like 42nd street or Harold square if you live in New York City. Try finding a park area that isn't too crowed and listen to nature. Watch the sunset even or the sunrise if you anxiety got triggered early in the morning. If it's late at night, try looking up at the stars. Aim for things that can soothe you because when you are anxious, you are over-thinking about anything and everything that can happen with you, something or someone.

It is important to keep your body active so that you mind is no over-thinking so much.

We're all human and we're so flawed that we were made to make mistakes. That is how we learn, from our mistakes.

We all get anxious about something at some point in our lives but it does us no use being and feeling anxious over things that we have no control over like other people. Everyone is going to do what they think is best for them and we can only do so much about it. It is helping no one, especially yourself, if you spend all of you time stressing and being anxious about other people or certain situations that you can't take of this very second or even for the rest of the day.

Not that I do not know what that is like to do nothing but to stay at home, in bed, and stress about the thing you have no control over. Being in bed and feeling nothing but anxiety over the one thing you want to change but can't. This leads to us not eating well and sleeping too much or not enough because of all the energy spent on being and feeling anxious for who knows how many hours.

I know it is incredibly difficult to put down a situation that you care so much about and can't stop thinking about because now you are obsessing over it; you want it to be over. You do not want to move on to the next situation until you are done with the one you are currently obsessing over.  

I had moments when I am stuck in bed for hours just being sad and stuck in my head, being sad about things that aren't even an issue and it sucks; it makes me feel like a stagnant loser. incredibly low about myself that I would become so stuck and immobile.

But this is where all the fighting and the pushing comes in; the most challenging part. 

We have to do our best to figure out what is making us anxious and try to mend those anxious whether it is having a talk with the person you may be anxious about or finding ways to soothe your anxiety for the mean time. Keeping your mind busy does help with the anxieties. But we have to keep fighting, we cannot continue to not eat or sleep well and let ourselves obsess over something that we can not do anything about. We also can't let anxiety prevent from doing the things we want to do or the things we love doing for too long. We have to do our best to continue to put ourselves first and making sure our mental health is healthy. Our health comes first.

I can't stress enough that it is more than alright to feel the way that we do because of our anxieties sometimes, it can't be helped, we've experienced too much and our bodies can't help but be on edge when it comes to certain situations. What is important is for us to catch ourselves when we're stuck in  our minds. I know that is incredibly difficult for anyone with anxiety. 

Anxiety sucks, it causes us to think about problems that doesn't exist, causes us to get stuck in our minds, we become so irrational over the smallest of things, and why? For some it's a chemical imbalance, for others, they're scared because they probably loved to hard and got crushed harder.

Even if the worst may occur, it is definitely not the end. What matters now is to move forward either with or without your anxieties.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

you're more than enough.

I wanted to take the time out to make this post for those who are currently not feeling like they are not enough. People out there who feel like what they are doing might feel like it is not enough when all they've have been doing is trying. I want to let you know that you are not the only one but you are doing enough. You are doing your best to be the best version of yourself. We keep hearing that we should strive to be the best versions of ourselves but no one is going on about how hard it is. Some people might be but I don't think enough people are deeply talking about how hard it can be to be our best selves. Sometimes it feels constantly difficult to be the best 'us' we can be because our best may not be 'the best' at times. 

It fucking sucks.

We wake up early every morning and we don't see the results we thought would occur from our hard work from the night before. We work hard all day and we feel exhausted by the end of the day; sometimes we don't feel like there is much of a change in our lives. We feel like all of our hard work is going nowhere and we continue to feel drained.

Some of our jobs are sucking us dry and we continue to give and give and we feel like we are receiving nothing in return; not even a thank you. And you know you're doing a lot. Whether it is for your job, your friends, your family, you spouse, the random homeless person you're always giving dollars to, you're doing a lot.

But guess what? Even though it might not feel like you are enough in this very moment, you need to tell yourself you are because you are enough. You are doing so much for others and yourself. There had been so many times when you put others ahead of yourself and you did not feel appreciate enough. In those moments, appreciate yourself because you know what you did. Tell yourself good job and keep things going for yourself. Yeah it might be silly at first to tell yourself, "good job. Keep up the good work" but you know you did. You know you did do a good job! Hell! You did a great job! 

Why is it so silly to tell yourself what anyone else would when they recognize good work and effort being given?  

When something didn't workout in your favor but you know you did everything you were able to do in your power, tell yourself that it's okay but it was enough.

It's okay to be sad because something didn't work out. Of course you are going to be sad and bummed out for a while. Of course we are going to be sad and bummed out for a while because it was something you truly wanted and you thought things would be different this time. Sadly, this time things were not so different. Again. But it is okay even though its not okay right now. Overall, things are okay because you still have some type of income coming from somewhere, you have some kind of family, you friends, and most of your health.

Aging is a hell of a thing.

So you are enough. You did say enough and you did do enough. You did enough for the person you were in the moment. I'm writing this stuff out for us to not continue to be so hard on ourselves. We have to learn to be gentler with ourselves and try to blame others for their wrong doing. We cannot continue to have the mentality that we are always the one at fault. Sometimes we are but other times we are not at fault and we have to get better at pointing it out. We have to become more comfortable with pointing out other people's short-comings because who else is going to defend us? Someone might but that is never a guarantee. We have to become more comfortable with advocating for ourselves because we have to be the first person to love ourselves and to have our own backs.

We have to be selfish sometimes and put ourselves first. We especially have to do that when we are being disrespected. That does not mean we fight fire with fire. That means we found our balanced way of pointing out things that we are not comfortable with. Even if we don't get it right the first time it is more than okay because we have our whole lives to get it right and to become more comfortable. Yeah it's embarrassing but how bland would life be if we couldn't experience different emotions in different moments?

You are more than enough. Remember that. Do not let anyone tell you to your face that you are not enough and let them get away with it. You are always enough. We are always enough.

I will end things here.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell yourself and your loved ones that they're enough and give them a big squeezing hug. Trust me, it works.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Damaged People Dating

I needed to take the time out to write about this because this is something that I learned about a couple months ago.

First, I want to specify what I mean by "damaged" people dating. Damaged people, for example, is a person who just got out of a serious relationship and think that they can jump into a new serious relationship and that could be for a number of reasons.

A person who is damaged needs time to heal but they may not realize that at first and may think that finding someone new is what they need in order to heal and sometimes that may work for some if that was talked about and established. Communication is vastly important for just about every situation having to do with human interaction.

People who just came out of a serious relationship are emotionally exhausted. They gave so much of themselves to someone else and it did not work out in the long run. I'm not saying these are people to avoid at all but it does not hurt to point out to them over and over that they need time to be on their own and to heal up if being in a serious relationship is their end goal.

But if they do want to be with someone else, if they feel that may help, they need to pick who they spend their romance with carefully because it sounds better for them to be with a person who wants something more casual compared to a person who wants to seriously date.

The upsetting part is that there are people who are still "damaged" and may be seriously trying to date but skip over the fact that they just got out of a serious relationship. That type of situation is not fair to the other person but life is not about being fair; it's about learning. Sadly, these situations are going to cause some pain and yes, it does suck.

It could have all been avoided if the "damaged" person was just honest about their life situation sooner in order for the other person to make an education decision on whether or not they want to continue things with said "damaged" person.

One suggestion I do have is to not be afraid to ask a person you think you may want to date about their previous relationships. That is something to always ask when getting to know someone romantically anyway. It is important to ask questions in general about information that is important to you in order to find your peace of mind and security. 

Before I wrap this up, I just want to stress that these are not people to avoid at all. If anything they can be great friends, need their friends and healthy friendships to get over their breakups. Although, it is very important to be mindful of other people's emotions if avoiding unnecessary hurt is the goal and to try to be as honest as possible about information you know is or may involve another person.


Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Mental Illness does not equal Creativity

I have been seeing and hearing for years that creative people write their best stuff when they are experiencing depression for example or when they are in a very low point in their lives. I am alongside with all of the people who disagree. As someone who has been writing since I have been very young, I remember writing a lot of stuff whenever I was in a good place mentality.

I have not been in a great place as of late and while I was a teenager. I did not write anything I was proud of when I was a teenager dealing with the aftermath of being bullied, growing up and not knowing how to deal with the fact that I was bullied for so long. 

It was not that long ago that I lost my drive and will to write out my posts for my blogs and lost the motivation to work on my stories because of me, not so long ago, experiencing depression.

The media has done a very good job of showing people that great things can come from painful times and that may be true for some but I doubt for most especially when it comes to mental health issues. When someone has a mental health issue, our bodies become to preoccupied with tending to said mental issues and making sure we can function and not die.

I also have a handful of creative friends as well who have gone through their own mental issues that prevented them from making any type of art. I remember we would have conversations about how they felt so sad or they felt so unmotivated that they either couldn't come up with anything good or whatever ideas they did have, they felt it was not good enough to show. Something I can relate to on a very deep level.

Having mental health issues and experiencing them are terrible experiences. My depression was so bad that I remember thinking that I would not wish those types of emotions and emptiness of emotions on my worst enemies; no one wants to feel that way. Most people definitely cannot squeeze out anything creative when they are in such a bad head space. It can become such a struggle for some to just get out of bed or even brush their teeth so imagine trying to write out an elaborate book series or even just one chapter or even just one blog post.

So when it comes to creative people making some type of art whether it is a TV show, a story, a drawing or a painting, we did not make it when we were in a terrible or bad head space., we made those pieces of art when we were in a much better place with ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I will end things here. I know it was rather short but I do not think there is more to say on the matter for now. We are note creative when we are dealing with a mental or emotional issue; we just can't. 

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me when people thought you were functional when you mind was too busy saving itself from itself.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

being an understanding person.

I think it is important to remind each other from time to time how important it is to be an understanding person not only to your loved ones and yourself but to the people around you.

We are all humans beings and we are all used to our way of living. Sometimes we can forget that there are about 7.5 billion people on our Earth today and counting. So of course we are very likely to bump into someone or something that is vastly different from us. But that's okay because just because something is different does not make it scary; it's just different.

Personally, I prefer differences especially since I'm trying to become more professional with my writing. The more people I meet who are different from me the more likely I am to get inspired by something they had to offer. If I kept spending so much time around people who were very similar to me, my way of thinking would never have be challenged. I would pretty much stay the same person because there would be no exposure to something or someone different from myself to challenge my way of thinking or my perspectives on life.

I know it can be scary when we are face-to-face with something that we do not have much knowledge on because it could be dangerous or we just do not know what to do at first. But I think it's okay when we don't have much knowledge when it comes to a completely different person because that is when communication comes in handy.

Of course if you feel like the person can be dangerous then by all means, trust you instincts. But when it comes to meeting new people for example, I think it is important to just talk, ask simple questions like where were they born. If they're from another country, just ask them how it's like. 

Another way to be understanding is when your loved ones are busy or can have pretty busy schedules at some points throughout the week. I know when I'm trying to see some friends and they end up being busier than expected, it sucks. But that does not mean that it's the end. We talk about when is our next available time and we take things from there. I know some people would get mad about something like that because the schedule shifted and not everyone knows how to accommodate to that.

But being understand of people's schedules is important because it builds trust, it builds faith and comfort in both people; especially they one who turned out to be busier than anticipated.

I know I also need to talk a little about being understanding with ourselves. I know when I was younger and I didn't do well with my academics, I'd definitely beat myself up over it. There were times when I made myself feel less than because I didn't get a top score for example. Even though my grades were usually at the top of my class, I'd feel like such a loser whenever I would get an okay grade. I shouldn't have spoken to myself like that. No one is perfect. Sometimes we are not going to do so well at something for whatever the reason may be and it's expected of us. We are not always suppose to get things right the first time or every time. We can be our best cheerleaders or our worst enemies. I think it's better to be kinder to ourselves and be understanding of that fact that we didn't do well this time. Which can mean that next time we'll do much better and learn from our previous mistakes.

There are tons of examples on how to be an understanding person but I think what helps is to keep an open mind to things. Things are subject to change at any time so I think it is important to be mindful of that and to not have such high expectations because your body may react in a way that isn't so beneficial to anyone including yourself.

I am going to end things here because I wanted to make a short post about being understanding and doing our best to be with those around us and ourselves.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me how hard it can be to be understanding sometimes.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3

Depression = No drive

I wanted to make a post about why I have been lacking in drive and motivation to write and I decided to make it just a mini series of posts for those who may be going through the same thing.

I have not been writing as much as I was for most of this year because in the middle of June, I developed depression and I didn't have the courage until recently to start talking about. I even feel very guilty right now typing this because I have not even told my two best friends that I had depression. I mainly didn't tell them because I didn't want them to tend to me. I wanted them to think I was fine so that they could treat me the same way and not treat me like a depressed person.

I was isolating myself, putting myself down and making myself feel like absolute worthless shit. The two things I really wanted to do this summer was to finally read more books and write more posts because I finally had the drive that I have been waiting 3 summers to have and just like that it was gone.

I still do not have the drive I once had earlier in the summer and said lack of drive only prevents me from writing even more. I  think I can say that I do not "have as much" depression if that is even a correct way to describe things. But I still find my appetite not being where I want to be and I have not been going to the gym as much as I previously was but I am still going to the gym every week nonetheless. 

I also didn't have the courage to write about my depression because of how long I had it. I ended up being depressed for about a month and a half, maybe two months before I started feeling like myself again. I thought that amount of time was not adequate compared to others who have had depression for many months of many years so I felt like I could not relate to them.

It took me quite some time to realize that it is not necessarily about the amount of time but what you felt and did during that amount of said time. 

I want to believe that I am not as depressed as before because I do feel much happier than before and I do feel more like myself again. But when it comes to my reading and writing, I can't help but to worry that maybe there is still something lingering because I struggle just as much as before when it comes to writing and when it comes to writing something that I am actually proud of.

I also get anxiety sometimes which is one of the worst things I have experienced. But I will say that for me, dealing and trying to get past depression was way scarier than having anxiety. When I have anxiety, I am going back and forth with myself about things that I know are okay but my anxiety wants to tell me other wise. Unfortunately, it does take some time for my anxiety to fade. The other day it took about 6 hours for my anxiety to fully fade. But when it comes to depression, it is a completely different ball park to me and for me.

When my depression was at its worst, I could not talk to anyone. I was crying almost all the time for no apparent reason. I was crying because I was sad and I felt sad because I was sad. There was nothing in particular that I was sad about. I was crying for the plain fact that I was feeling sad due to me being depressed. When it came to the crying all the time, it was very hard not to cry in public. It was very difficult not to run somewhere secluded where I can scream and whale at the top of my lungs until I felt some type of feeling again because I did experience some emotional numbness.

When I was or was not crying, I was isolating myself from all of my friends and my parents. I could not bring myself to talk to anyone. My depression was telling me not to talk to anyone because I didn't deserve to. My depression was also telling me what a piece of shit I was and how worthless I was. That part had to be the worst for me; when my depression was trying to convince me of how worthless I was and in the beginning, I believed it. Anytime my depression would belittle or demean me, I'd let it and I'd agree.

But over time, I refused to let myself think that way because of the years of hard work of working on myself and my happiness. That was what helped me a lot to get out of my depression.; my resilience and refusal to lose. I began to just refuse to be like that with myself and I kept fighting and pushing until there was nothing telling me that I was nothing because that was the biggest lie it could say to me.

I have worked extremely hard to become the person I am today. That was another reason why I felt so ashamed to talk about my depression. I had worked so hard to become genuinely happy and then for my coping skills not to work and still developed depression. I felt like I failed myself and I probably did. But staying down just was not an option for me.

For now, I am going to end this here because I'm starting to feel spent. I finally found some energy to write this post because I can only imagine how many people are going through depression right now as I'm writing this or the amount of people who were on a similar boat as me.

Please follow me on TWITTER @midnighthuee and tell me if you had a friend with some mental health issues and what you did to help make you friend feel better.

Smile. Try to do one good deed each day and until next time, Take Care <3