Today I wanted to talk to you guys a little about not having
to have your entire future planned out. You guys don’t even have to have
tomorrow planned out completely since some people are better at planning things
the day off. Others though, prefer to have a plan in at least a day in advance.
Everyone is different therefore does just about everything differently. Due
to something that happened with me earlier, I decided to leave that topic for
next time and talk about a different topic; getting discouraged.
I felt this topic is very important now because I never
truly knew how deep it could hit a person until I felt deeply hit today. I was
on the phone with one of my former professors and I ended up not handling the
phone conversation well after we hung up. I honestly just sat on my bed for
about half an hour pondering on the conversation and I am still not sure why I
just sat there. Obviously, the whole conversation discouraged me on my plans on
one day applying for a graduate program. I mainly called about my grade because
I wanted to know how to better myself for the next graduate courses I will take in
the future. As I am here typing this out for you guys to read, I am thinking
that I could be feeling these feelings because of my cycle. I will not explain
exactly what my cycle is but all the women and some men out there will
understand what I mean. So I’m here thinking that probably it’s my cycle
amplifying my sadness into something much deeper which is known to happen.
Although this is something that will pass for me, this is an emotion, this
feeling, these sensations, that other people could be feeling on a daily basis
which is another reason why I wanted to talk about getting discouraged.
Even though for me I will get over it by tomorrow or even
later on tonight, there are people who do not get over feelings like these in a
day or less. There are people out there who are very sad and who constantly
feel like how I felt today but on a daily to weekly basis or even longer. When I was on my
train ride to work, I ended up having very scary thoughts pop into my mind that
I never dare to think because I would never do anything to myself that would
hurt me; I love myself too much and I love my friends and family members
too much. I even decided to do a little research on the thoughts I had and I
read people talking about those things and such depressing actions as if it is
their norm. The reason being, that it is their norm. Those people are used to
talking about their depression because they are living with it. Some people are
talking about doing very bad things to themselves because they have gotten so
used to it. I was terrified out of my mind that my mind was so preoccupied at
work today; I felt like I couldn’t focus all day. Now that I am home, relaxing,
and being able to type away to figure out my thoughts and feelings, I’m getting
better and I am going to stay better.
Other people though may not get better as fast as me because
all of our brains are wired differently. This is something that my mentor and I
constantly talk about; our brains and how different everyone is. She keeps
bringing this up to me because over the years my patience with people have
decreased to the point where I can be known for being impatient and even pushy
at times when I feel someone is being too slow with something I feel they
should be faster with. My mentor though, has been helping me to get my patience
back up because I will forever meet people who do need more time than me. There
are going to be people who need a whole lot of more time than me and/or most
people I know because of their past or even their present situation.
I felt that I needed to take the time out to talk a little
about this because this is something that is very important that I lost sight
of because I haven’t been having a good week because I am on my cycle and my
emotions and hormones are all over the place; I am not happy. And, it is more than okay to say and express
when you are not happy but as I may have mentioned before, hearing things out
loud compared to saying things in your head makes you feel different and helps
to make your feelings more concrete than abstract.
My thoughts on all of this is to continue to be as kind as possible to everyone or
anyone you meet because someone is always fighting something even if it isn’t always
visible to the human eye. Smile because
a smile, even from a stranger, can make someone feel a little bit better. Help out. If you see someone in need
and you know you can do something about it, go for it. Be smart and aware of your limits as well. If you know you can’t
run so fast or if you may not be strong enough to lift something then stay
aware of that. There are millions of ways to help other people even if it’s by
donating 5 dollars.
Well, I think here is a good place to wrap things up. Thank you
for those who make their way into my blog and actually read my posts, even if
it’s just a little bit, I still deeply appreciate it.
Please follow me on Twitter so that you guys
can leave me comments and tell me how my posts are coming along and/or how I
can improve them. I want to hear for you.
Twitter: @midnighthuee
I am still not sure if those who read this blog are able to
leave comments or are even able to follow but on my Twitter let me know if you cannot and I will fix it as soon as possible.
Thank you again to those who read my posts. Means everything to me.
Until next time. Take care <3
No comments:
Post a Comment